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Batman Returns

Selina Kyle: Wow, THE Batman -- or is it just "Batman"? It's your choice, of course!

Selina Kyle: I don't like normal men, they always let you down. The sick ones don't scare me, at least they're committed.

[Addressing a huge flock of penguins.]
The Penguin: My dear penguins, we stand upon a great threshold! It's alright to be scared; most of you won't be coming back. But, thanks to Batman, the time has come to punish ALL of God's children! 1st, 2nd, 3rd AND 4th-born! Why be biased? Male and female! Hell, the sexes are equal with their erogenous zones BLOWN SKY HIGH! FORWARD MARCH! THE LIBERATION OF GOTHAM HAS BEGUN!

The Penguin: Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff.

The Penguin: It's true I was their number one son... but they treated me like number two!

Catwoman: Meow.

Henchman: But killing children. Isn't it a little...
The Penguin: No! It's a lot!

The Penguin: But when it comes down to it, who is holding the umbrella?

Catwoman: I am Catwoman. Hear me roar.

The Penguin: I believe the word you are looking for is "Aaahh"!

Catwoman: Hello honey, I'm home. Oh, I forgot. I'm not married.

The Penguin: You're just jealous because I'm a real freak and you have to wear a mask.

The Penguin: I am NOT a human being, I am an animal!

Batman: Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.
Catwoman: A kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it.

Selina Kyle: A kiss under the mistle toe...a mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.
Bruce Wayne: But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it.

Catwoman: I don't know about you, Miss Kitty, but I feel so much... yummier.

Batman: Eat floor.
[Throws Catwoman down.]
Batman: High fiber.

The Penguin: You got to admit I played this stinking city like a harp from hell.

The Penguin: You got to admit I've plagued this stinking city like a hawk from hell.

The Penguin: [to Catwoman] Just the pussy I was looking for!

The Penguin: [to Catwoman] You're beauty and beast.

Batman: You're not the mayor.
The Penguin: Things change.
Batman: What do you want?
The Penguin: Ah, the direct approach. I like that from a man in a mask.
[laughs, then turns serious]
The Penguin: You don't really think you'll win, do you?
Batman: Things change.

Catwoman: Life's a bitch; now so am I.

Charles 'Chip' Shreck: Dad, you buy that bleary business?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Women. Nothing surprises me Chip, except your late mother. Who'da thought Selina had a brain to damage. Bottom line, she tries to blackmail me, I'll drop her out a higher window. Meantime, I got better fish to fry.

Selina Kyle: How can you be so mean to someone so meaningless?

Selina Kyle: It's the so-called "normal" guys that always let you down. Sickos never scare me. At least they're committed.

The Penguin: They wouldn't put me on a pedestal, so I'm layin' them out on a slab!

Bruce Wayne: Merry Christmas, Alfred. Good will towards men... and women.

The Penguin: Just relax. I'll take care of the squealing, wretched, pinhead puppets of Gotham!

Selina Kyle: Ok, Intimidate me, bully me if it makes you feel big. I mean it's not like you can just kill me...
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Actually, it's a lot like that.

[seeing Bruce Wayne in a tuxedo at a masquerade party]
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Let me guess....trust fund goody-goody?

[Catwoman just knocked the guns out of 2 security guards' hands]
Guard 2: Don't hurt us lady, our take-home is less than $300?
Catwoman: You're over-paid, hit the road.

Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Bruce Wayne? Why are you dressed like Batman?
Catwoman: Because he is Batman, you moron.

The Penguin: You don't really think you'll win...do you?

[Catwoman is hit]
Catwoman: How could you? I'm a woman.
Batman: I'm sorry, I..
[Batman is hit]
Catwoman: As I was saying, I'm a woman and can't be taken for granted.

Ice Princess: The tree lights up, I press the button ... No wait, I press the button and --

Volunteer Bimbo: You're the coolest role-model a young person could have!
The Penguin: And you're the hottest young person a role-model could have.

The Penguin: Ah, shit, I grabbed a cute one.
[discards umbrella]

The Penguin: The heat is getting to me, I'll kill you momentarily.

Catwoman: You're the second man who killed me this week. But I've got seven lives left.

Selina Kyle: Oh god ... does this mean we have to start fighting now?




	Home Jokes Film Quotes Boss Alert News Forum Links		Back to - Film Quotes - B Batman Returns Selina Kyle: Wow, THE Batman -- or is it just "Batman"? It's your choice, of course! Selina Kyle: I don't like normal men, they always let you down. The sick ones don't scare me, at least they're committed. [Addressing a huge flock of penguins.] The Penguin: My dear penguins, we stand upon a great threshold! It's alright to be scared; most of you won't be coming back. But, thanks to Batman, the time has come to punish ALL of God's children! 1st, 2nd, 3rd AND 4th-born! Why be biased? Male and female! Hell, the sexes are equal with their erogenous zones BLOWN SKY HIGH! FORWARD MARCH! THE LIBERATION OF GOTHAM HAS BEGUN! The Penguin: Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff. The Penguin: It's true I was their number one son... but they treated me like number two! Catwoman: Meow. Henchman: But killing children. Isn't it a little... The Penguin: No! It's a lot! The Penguin: But when it comes down to it, who is holding the umbrella? Catwoman: I am Catwoman. Hear me roar. The Penguin: I believe the word you are looking for is "Aaahh"! Catwoman: Hello honey, I'm home. Oh, I forgot. I'm not married. The Penguin: You're just jealous because I'm a real freak and you have to wear a mask. The Penguin: I am NOT a human being, I am an animal! Batman: Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it. Catwoman: A kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it. Selina Kyle: A kiss under the mistle toe...a mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it. Bruce Wayne: But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it. Catwoman: I don't know about you, Miss Kitty, but I feel so much... yummier. Batman: Eat floor. [Throws Catwoman down.] Batman: High fiber. The Penguin: You got to admit I played this stinking city like a harp from hell. The Penguin: You got to admit I've plagued this stinking city like a hawk from hell. The Penguin: [to Catwoman] Just the pussy I was looking for! The Penguin: [to Catwoman] You're beauty and beast. Batman: You're not the mayor. The Penguin: Things change. Batman: What do you want? The Penguin: Ah, the direct approach. I like that from a man in a mask. [laughs, then turns serious] The Penguin: You don't really think you'll win, do you? Batman: Things change. Catwoman: Life's a bitch; now so am I. Charles 'Chip' Shreck: Dad, you buy that bleary business? Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Women. Nothing surprises me Chip, except your late mother. Who'da thought Selina had a brain to damage. Bottom line, she tries to blackmail me, I'll drop her out a higher window. Meantime, I got better fish to fry. Selina Kyle: How can you be so mean to someone so meaningless? Selina Kyle: It's the so-called "normal" guys that always let you down. Sickos never scare me. At least they're committed. The Penguin: They wouldn't put me on a pedestal, so I'm layin' them out on a slab! Bruce Wayne: Merry Christmas, Alfred. Good will towards men... and women. The Penguin: Just relax. I'll take care of the squealing, wretched, pinhead puppets of Gotham! Selina Kyle: Ok, Intimidate me, bully me if it makes you feel big. I mean it's not like you can just kill me... Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Actually, it's a lot like that. [seeing Bruce Wayne in a tuxedo at a masquerade party] Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Let me guess....trust fund goody-goody? [Catwoman just knocked the guns out of 2 security guards' hands] Guard 2: Don't hurt us lady, our take-home is less than $300? Catwoman: You're over-paid, hit the road. Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Bruce Wayne? Why are you dressed like Batman? Catwoman: Because he is Batman, you moron. The Penguin: You don't really think you'll win...do you? [Catwoman is hit] Catwoman: How could you? I'm a woman. Batman: I'm sorry, I.. [Batman is hit] Catwoman: As I was saying, I'm a woman and can't be taken for granted. Ice Princess: The tree lights up, I press the button ... No wait, I press the button and -- Volunteer Bimbo: You're the coolest role-model a young person could have! The Penguin: And you're the hottest young person a role-model could have. The Penguin: Ah, shit, I grabbed a cute one. [discards umbrella] The Penguin: The heat is getting to me, I'll kill you momentarily. Catwoman: You're the second man who killed me this week. But I've got seven lives left. Selina Kyle: Oh god ... does this mean we have to start fighting now?