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Velma Kelly: She stole my garters!

Roxie Hart: Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
Mama: Deary, you're talking to the wrong people.

Roxie Hart: You know, I was there. I was there that night you plugged your husband.
Velma Kelly: So was half of Chicago.

Roxie Hart: You're, THE Velma Kelly. I was there the night you got arrested!
Velma Kelly: Yeah? You and half of Chicago.

Velma Kelly: [about Roxie] First she steals my publicity. Then she steals my lawyer, my trial date. And now she steals my goddamn garter!

Liz: You know how some people have those habits that get you down? Like Bernie. Bernie liked to chew gum. No, not chew. POP! So I come home from work one night and I'm real irritated, and I'm looking for a little sympathy. And there's Bernie, lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. POPPIN'! So I said "If you pop that gum one more time..." And he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots...into his head!

Annie: I met Ezekial Young from Salt Lake City, and he told me he was single, so we hit it off right away. Every night, he'd come home, I'd mix him a drink, we'd have dinner. It was like heaven in two and a half rooms. But soon I found out: Single he told me? Well, single my ass. Not only was he married. Oh no! He had six wives. One of those Mormons, ya know? Well, one night he came home, and I mixed him a drink, as usual....You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic.

Billy Flynn: This trial...the whole world...it's all...show business!

June: I'm standin' in the kitchen, carving up a chicken for dinner, minding my own business, when in storms my husband, Wilbur, in a jealous rage. "You've been screwing the milkman," he said. He was crazy, and he kept on screaming, "You've been screwing the milkman." And then he ran into my knife...he ran into my knife ten times.

Billy Flynn: Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous, row after row will grow vociferous.

Velma Kelly: [to Roxie] You wanted advice? Well here it is...straight from me to you...keep your paws off my underwear.

Mona: I loved Al Lipshitz more than I could say. He was a real artistic type, a painter. He was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night looking for himself. And on the way, he found Ruth. Gladys. Rosemary. And Irving. I guess you could say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive. And I saw him dead!

Roxie Hart: It'll never work...I HATE YOU!
Velma Kelly: There's only one business where that's no problem at all.

Roxie Hart: You want some advice, well here's a piece of advice from me to you, lay off the caramels.
[She winks.]

Billy Flynn: I don't mean to toot my own horn, but if Jesus Christ lived in Chicago today, and he had five thousand dollars, let's just say things would have turned out differently.

Roxie Hart: They LOVE me!
Billy Flynn: They'd love you a lot more if you were hanged! You know why? Because it would sell more papers...That's Chicago!

Billy Flynn: Would you please tell the audience.. err.. the jury what happened?

Roxie Hart: Don't you wanna take my picture?

Billy Flynn: Give 'em the old razzle dazzle. Razzle razzle 'em. Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it and the reaction will be passionate.

Velma Kelly: My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop. My sister and I were headed straight for the top. My sister and I made a thou a week at least, but my sister is now unfortunately deceased. Oh, it's sad, I know, but fact is still a fact and now all that remains is the remains of a perfect double act.

Amos Hart: Cellophane. Mr. Cellophane shoulda been my name, Mr. Cellophane, 'cause you cn look right through me, walk right by me and never know I'm there.

Billy Flynn: He had strength and she had none.
Billy Flynn: [as Roxie] And yet we both reached for the gun.

Liz: Pop!
Annie: Six!
June: Squish!
Hunyack: Uh-uh!
Velma Kelly: Cicero!
Mona: Lipschitz!

Court officer: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Velma Kelly: And then some!

Billy Flynn: I object!
Judge: Sustained.
Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison: Your Honor, I haven't even asked a question yet!

Velma Kelly: My sister Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband Charlie traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row: one, two, three, four, five, splits, spread-eagles, back-flips, flip-flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show we're at the hotel Cicero, the three of us boozin, having a few laughs, and we run out of ice, so I run out to get some. I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie doing number 17, the spread-eagle! Well, I was in such a state of shock that I completely blacked out; I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead!

Roxie Hart: [singing] With just one more brain what a half-wit he'd be...

Bandleader: Mr. Billy Flynn and the press conference rag. Notice how his mouth never moves...almost.

Velma Kelly: [singing] No I'm no one's wife, but oh, I love my life and all that jazz!

Velma Kelly: Come on, babe, we're gonna brush the sky. I betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high 'cause in the stratosphere how could he lend an ear to all that jazz.

Roxie Hart: God that's beautiful!
Billy Flynn: Cut out God. Stay where you're better acquainted.

Roxie Hart: You were mentioned in the paper today, in the back with the obituaries. 'Velma Kelly's trial has been post-poned indefinitely.' Seven words!

Roxie Hart: You can like the life you're living, you can live the life you like. You can even marry Harry, but mess around with Ike.

Roxie Hart: [singing] If they string me up, well, I'll know who brought the twine!

Roxie Hart: [singing] He ain't no sheik, that's no great physique, and lord knows he ain't got the smarts.

[After singing "Mr. Cellophane"]
Amos Hart: Hope I didn't take up too much of your time.

Mama: [singing] Don't you know that this hand washes that one, too? When you're good to Mama, Mama's good to you.

Roxie Hart: [singing] I can't stand that sap!
Amos: What a sap I was!

Mama: In this town, murder's a form of entertainment.




	Home Jokes Film Quotes Boss Alert News Forum Links		Back to - Film Quotes - C Chicago Velma Kelly: She stole my garters! Roxie Hart: Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Mama: Deary, you're talking to the wrong people. Roxie Hart: You know, I was there. I was there that night you plugged your husband. Velma Kelly: So was half of Chicago. Roxie Hart: You're, THE Velma Kelly. I was there the night you got arrested! Velma Kelly: Yeah? You and half of Chicago. Velma Kelly: [about Roxie] First she steals my publicity. Then she steals my lawyer, my trial date. And now she steals my goddamn garter! Liz: You know how some people have those habits that get you down? Like Bernie. Bernie liked to chew gum. No, not chew. POP! So I come home from work one night and I'm real irritated, and I'm looking for a little sympathy. And there's Bernie, lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. POPPIN'! So I said "If you pop that gum one more time..." And he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots...into his head! Annie: I met Ezekial Young from Salt Lake City, and he told me he was single, so we hit it off right away. Every night, he'd come home, I'd mix him a drink, we'd have dinner. It was like heaven in two and a half rooms. But soon I found out: Single he told me? Well, single my ass. Not only was he married. Oh no! He had six wives. One of those Mormons, ya know? Well, one night he came home, and I mixed him a drink, as usual....You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic. Billy Flynn: This trial...the whole world...it's all...show business! June: I'm standin' in the kitchen, carving up a chicken for dinner, minding my own business, when in storms my husband, Wilbur, in a jealous rage. "You've been screwing the milkman," he said. He was crazy, and he kept on screaming, "You've been screwing the milkman." And then he ran into my knife...he ran into my knife ten times. Billy Flynn: Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous, row after row will grow vociferous. Velma Kelly: [to Roxie] You wanted advice? Well here it is...straight from me to you...keep your paws off my underwear. Mona: I loved Al Lipshitz more than I could say. He was a real artistic type, a painter. He was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night looking for himself. And on the way, he found Ruth. Gladys. Rosemary. And Irving. I guess you could say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive. And I saw him dead! Roxie Hart: It'll never work...I HATE YOU! Velma Kelly: There's only one business where that's no problem at all. Roxie Hart: You want some advice, well here's a piece of advice from me to you, lay off the caramels. [She winks.] Billy Flynn: I don't mean to toot my own horn, but if Jesus Christ lived in Chicago today, and he had five thousand dollars, let's just say things would have turned out differently. Roxie Hart: They LOVE me! Billy Flynn: They'd love you a lot more if you were hanged! You know why? Because it would sell more papers...That's Chicago! Billy Flynn: Would you please tell the audience.. err.. the jury what happened? Roxie Hart: Don't you wanna take my picture? Billy Flynn: Give 'em the old razzle dazzle. Razzle razzle 'em. Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it and the reaction will be passionate. Velma Kelly: My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop. My sister and I were headed straight for the top. My sister and I made a thou a week at least, but my sister is now unfortunately deceased. Oh, it's sad, I know, but fact is still a fact and now all that remains is the remains of a perfect double act. Amos Hart: Cellophane. Mr. Cellophane shoulda been my name, Mr. Cellophane, 'cause you cn look right through me, walk right by me and never know I'm there. Billy Flynn: He had strength and she had none. Billy Flynn: [as Roxie] And yet we both reached for the gun. Liz: Pop! Annie: Six! June: Squish! Hunyack: Uh-uh! Velma Kelly: Cicero! Mona: Lipschitz! Court officer: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Velma Kelly: And then some! Billy Flynn: I object! Judge: Sustained. Assistant District Attorney Martin Harrison: Your Honor, I haven't even asked a question yet! Velma Kelly: My sister Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband Charlie traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row: one, two, three, four, five, splits, spread-eagles, back-flips, flip-flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show we're at the hotel Cicero, the three of us boozin, having a few laughs, and we run out of ice, so I run out to get some. I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie doing number 17, the spread-eagle! Well, I was in such a state of shock that I completely blacked out; I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead! Roxie Hart: [singing] With just one more brain what a half-wit he'd be... Bandleader: Mr. Billy Flynn and the press conference rag. Notice how his mouth never moves...almost. Velma Kelly: [singing] No I'm no one's wife, but oh, I love my life and all that jazz! Velma Kelly: Come on, babe, we're gonna brush the sky. I betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high 'cause in the stratosphere how could he lend an ear to all that jazz. Roxie Hart: God that's beautiful! Billy Flynn: Cut out God. Stay where you're better acquainted. Roxie Hart: You were mentioned in the paper today, in the back with the obituaries. 'Velma Kelly's trial has been post-poned indefinitely.' Seven words! Roxie Hart: You can like the life you're living, you can live the life you like. You can even marry Harry, but mess around with Ike. Roxie Hart: [singing] If they string me up, well, I'll know who brought the twine! Roxie Hart: [singing] He ain't no sheik, that's no great physique, and lord knows he ain't got the smarts. [After singing "Mr. Cellophane"] Amos Hart: Hope I didn't take up too much of your time. Mama: [singing] Don't you know that this hand washes that one, too? When you're good to Mama, Mama's good to you. Roxie Hart: [singing] I can't stand that sap! Amos: What a sap I was! Mama: In this town, murder's a form of entertainment.