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Clerks

Randal Graves: People dictate their own behavior.

Dante Hicks: You get me slapped with a fine, you argue with the customers and I have to patch everything up, you get us thrown out of a funeral by violating the corpse, and then to top it off, you ruin my relationship. I mean, what's your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?

Dante Hicks: Theoretically, people see money on the counter, and no one around, they think they're being watched.
Veronica: Honesty through paranoia.

Silent Bob: [T]here's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But, they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.

Dante Hicks: I'm not even supposed to be here today.

Customer: Cute cat. What's its name?
Randal Graves: Annoying customer.

Randal Graves: Salsa shark. We're gonna need a bigger boat. Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa, shark's in the salsa.

Randal Graves: People say crazy sh** during sex. One time I called this girl "Mom."

Randal Graves: Which did you like better? "Jedi" or "The Empire Strikes Back?"
Dante Hicks: "Empire."
Randal Graves: Blasphemy.
Dante Hicks: "Empire" had the better ending. Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader is his father, uh, Han gets frozen, taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.

Randal Graves: There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?

Randal Graves: I could do without the people in the video store.
Dante Hicks: Which ones?
Randal Graves: All of them.

Dante Hicks: I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages, working on my day off, the steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward-assed fu** on the planet, I smell like shoe polish, my ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fu**ing a dead guy, and my present girlfriend has sucked thirty-six dicks.
Randal Graves: Thirty-seven.

Dante Hicks: You hate people!
Randal Graves: But, I love gatherings, isn't it ironic?

Caitlin Bree: I'm offering you my body, and you're offering me semantics.

Randal Graves: This job would be great if it wasn't for the fu**ing customers.

Caged Animal
Masturbator: It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.

Dante Hicks: You ever notice that all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie.

Randal Graves: She'll get over fu**in' a dead guy. Sh**, my Mom's been fu**in' a dead guy for thirty years--I call him Dad.

Dante Hicks: My friend here is trying to convince me that any independent contractors who were working on the uncompleted Death Star, were innocent victims when they were destroyed by the Rebels.

Randal Graves: [C]aitlin, break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. Nothing personal.

Randal Graves: No time for love, Dr. Jones.

Randal Graves: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Indecisive Customer: I beg your pardon?
Randal Graves: Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.

Randal Graves: You'd feel a Hell of a lot better if you'd just rip into the occasional customer.

Jay: Tonight, were gonna rip off this fu**er's head, and take out his fu**ing soul.

Dante Hicks: [T]ry not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot!

Randal Graves: I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.

Randal Graves: I know I'm your hero.




	Home Jokes Film Quotes Boss Alert News Forum Links		Back to - Film Quotes - C Clerks Randal Graves: People dictate their own behavior. Dante Hicks: You get me slapped with a fine, you argue with the customers and I have to patch everything up, you get us thrown out of a funeral by violating the corpse, and then to top it off, you ruin my relationship. I mean, what's your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank? Dante Hicks: Theoretically, people see money on the counter, and no one around, they think they're being watched. Veronica: Honesty through paranoia. Silent Bob: [T]here's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But, they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you. Dante Hicks: I'm not even supposed to be here today. Customer: Cute cat. What's its name? Randal Graves: Annoying customer. Randal Graves: Salsa shark. We're gonna need a bigger boat. Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa, shark's in the salsa. Randal Graves: People say crazy sh during sex. One time I called this girl "Mom." Randal Graves: Which did you like better? "Jedi" or "The Empire Strikes Back?" Dante Hicks: "Empire." Randal Graves: Blasphemy. Dante Hicks: "Empire" had the better ending. Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader is his father, uh, Han gets frozen, taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets. Randal Graves: There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there? Randal Graves: I could do without the people in the video store. Dante Hicks: Which ones? Randal Graves: All of them. Dante Hicks: I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages, working on my day off, the steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward-assed fu on the planet, I smell like shoe polish, my ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fuing a dead guy, and my present girlfriend has sucked thirty-six dicks. Randal Graves: Thirty-seven. Dante Hicks: You hate people! Randal Graves: But, I love gatherings, isn't it ironic? Caitlin Bree: I'm offering you my body, and you're offering me semantics. Randal Graves: This job would be great if it wasn't for the fuing customers. Caged Animal Masturbator: It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination. Dante Hicks: You ever notice that all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie. Randal Graves: She'll get over fuin' a dead guy. Sh, my Mom's been fuin' a dead guy for thirty years--I call him Dad. Dante Hicks: My friend here is trying to convince me that any independent contractors who were working on the uncompleted Death Star, were innocent victims when they were destroyed by the Rebels. Randal Graves: [C]aitlin, break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. Nothing personal. Randal Graves: No time for love, Dr. Jones. Randal Graves: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am. Indecisive Customer: I beg your pardon? Randal Graves: Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me. Randal Graves: You'd feel a Hell of a lot better if you'd just rip into the occasional customer. Jay: Tonight, were gonna rip off this fuer's head, and take out his fu**ing soul. Dante Hicks: [T]ry not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot! Randal Graves: I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule. Randal Graves: I know I'm your hero.