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Diamonds are Forever

M: We do function in your absence, Commander.

[To Tiffany while he's in bed with her]
James Bond: Presumably I'm the condemned man and obviously you're the hearty breakfast.

Mr. Wint: The scorpion.
Mr. Kidd: One of nature's finest killers, Mr. Wint.
Mr. Wint: One is never too old to learn from a master, Mr. Kidd.

[After sealing Bond in a coffin and conveying him into a crematorium's furnace.]
Mr. Wint: Very moving.
Mr. Kidd: Heartwarming, Mr. Wint.
Mr. Wint: A glowing tribute, Mr. Kidd.

Sir Donald Munger: Tell me, Commander, how far does your expertise extend into the field of diamonds?
James Bond: Well, hardest substance found in naturey cut glass, suggest marriages, I suppose it replaced the dog as the girl's best friend. That's about it.
M: Refreshing to hear that there is one subject you're not an expert on!

Blofeld: The satellite is now over... Kansas. Well, if we blow up Kansas the world may not hear about it for years.

Mr. Kidd: If God had wanted man to fly ...
Mr. Wint: ...He would have given him wings, Mr. Kidd.

Mr. Kidd: Welly're aboard, and I must say, Miss Case is quite lovely.
[Mr. Wint glares at him]
Mr. Kidd: ...For a woman.

[Tiffany Case opens the door almost nude]
Tiffany Case: I'll finish dressing.
James Bond: Oh please don't, not on my account.

Felix Leiter: I give up. I know the diamonds are in the body, but where?
James Bond: Alimentary, my dear Leiter...

Driver: The stiff, ehm deceased back there... Your brother, Mr. Franks?
James Bond: Yes, it was.
Passenger: I got a brother.
James Bond: Small world.

Plenty O'Toole: Hi, I'm Plenty.
James Bond: But of course you are.
Plenty O'Toole: Plenty O'Toole.
James Bond: Named after your father perhaps?

[James Bond is lucky with the dice while gambling]
Plenty O'Toole: You handle those cubes like a monkey handles coconuts.

James Bond: That's a nice little nothing you're almost wearing.

[Plenty O'Toole is thrown out of the window by some goons perhaps from the 10th floor, and lands in the middle of the hotel's swimming pool]
James Bond: [looking down] Exceptionally fine shot.
Goon: I didn't know there was a pool down there.

[A couple of oil workers open a hatch down to the oil pipe, and James Bond comes up to their surprise]
James Bond: Thank you very much. I was just out walking my RAT and seem to have lost my way...

James Bond: Good morning, gentlemen. ACME pollution inspection. We're cleaning up the world, we thought this was a suitable starting point.

James Bond: Weren't you a blonde when I came in?
Tiffany Case: Could be.
James Bond: I tend to notice little things like that -- whether a girl is a blonde or a brunette.

[To a rat.]
James Bond: Well, one of us smells like a tart's handkerchief.
[sniffs]
James Bond: I'm afraid it's me. Sorry, old boy.

Sir Donald Munger: You have been on holiday, I understand. Relaxing, I hope?
James Bond: Oh, hardly relaxing, but most satisfying.

James Bond: Pity about your liver, sir. Unusually fine Solera. '51, I believe.
M: There is no year for sherry, 007.
James Bond: I was referring to the original vintage on which the sherry is based, sir. 1851, unmistakable.
Sir Donald Munger: Precisely.

Mr. Wint: Curious, how everyone who touches those diamonds seems to die.

James Bond: What can I bring you back from Holland?
Miss Moneypenny: A diamond? In a ring?
James Bond: Would you settle for a tulip?
[Bond leaves]
Miss Moneypenny: Mm, yes.

Tiffany Case: Listen, you can drop me off at the next corner. This whole thing is getting a little out of hand. No regrets, but when you start stealing moon machines from Willard Whyte, GOOD bye and GOOD Luck!
James Bond: Just relax, I have a friend named Felix who can fix anything.
Tiffany Case: Is he married?
[After being pulled over by the sherriff]
Tiffany Case: [sarcastically] Relax, you've got a friend named Felix who can fix anything.
James Bond: Unfortunately, so can Willard Whyte.

Blofeld: You're showing a bit more cheek than usual Miss Case.
[The guards take her to a cell]
Blofeld: Too bad, such nice cheeks too...

Blofeld: Press 'L' Mr. Bond word 'Lobby' begins with 'L'.

[Plenty O'Toole is found face down in a swimming pool]
Tiffany Case: She's...
James Bond: Dead. Supposed to be you. The next link in the "pipeline".
Tiffany Case: What are you talking about?!
James Bond: Poor Plenty must have stumbled in here looking for you.
Tiffany Case: I don't believe you!
James Bond: A dentist is dead in South Africa. That little old lady in Amsterdam. Shady got his last night. They've missed me once. And you're next. Now, who's your connection?
Tiffany Case: You sound like a cop-
[Slaps her]
James Bond: Who's your connection!?
Tiffany Case: All I know, his voice is on a phone. They got me this place and told me to wait for further instructions.
James Bond: You'll find that rather difficult to hear underwater.

[Bond tastes the Mouton Rothschild wine served]
James Bond: The wine is quite excellent. Although for such a grand meal I would have expected a claret.
Mr. Wint: But of course. Unfortunately our cellar is poorly stocked with clarets.
James Bond: Mouton Rothschild IS a claret. And, I've smelled that aftershave on you before and both times I've smelled a rat.

Blofeld: Making mud pies, 007?

James Bond: What do you intend to do with those diamonds?
Blofeld: An excellent question. And one which will be hanging on the lips of the world quite soon. If I were to break the news to anyone it would be to you first, Mr Bond, you know that.

Blofeld: Good evening, Mr Bond.
James Bond: Blofeld?
Blofeld Double: Good evening, 007.
Blofeld: Double jeopardy, Mr Bond.

Blofeld: You killed my only other double, and after his death, volunteers were understandably.......rather scarce.




	Home Jokes Film Quotes Boss Alert News Forum Links		Back to - Film Quotes - D Diamonds are Forever M: We do function in your absence, Commander. [To Tiffany while he's in bed with her] James Bond: Presumably I'm the condemned man and obviously you're the hearty breakfast. Mr. Wint: The scorpion. Mr. Kidd: One of nature's finest killers, Mr. Wint. Mr. Wint: One is never too old to learn from a master, Mr. Kidd. [After sealing Bond in a coffin and conveying him into a crematorium's furnace.] Mr. Wint: Very moving. Mr. Kidd: Heartwarming, Mr. Wint. Mr. Wint: A glowing tribute, Mr. Kidd. Sir Donald Munger: Tell me, Commander, how far does your expertise extend into the field of diamonds? James Bond: Well, hardest substance found in naturey cut glass, suggest marriages, I suppose it replaced the dog as the girl's best friend. That's about it. M: Refreshing to hear that there is one subject you're not an expert on! Blofeld: The satellite is now over... Kansas. Well, if we blow up Kansas the world may not hear about it for years. Mr. Kidd: If God had wanted man to fly ... Mr. Wint: ...He would have given him wings, Mr. Kidd. Mr. Kidd: Welly're aboard, and I must say, Miss Case is quite lovely. [Mr. Wint glares at him] Mr. Kidd: ...For a woman. [Tiffany Case opens the door almost nude] Tiffany Case: I'll finish dressing. James Bond: Oh please don't, not on my account. Felix Leiter: I give up. I know the diamonds are in the body, but where? James Bond: Alimentary, my dear Leiter... Driver: The stiff, ehm deceased back there... Your brother, Mr. Franks? James Bond: Yes, it was. Passenger: I got a brother. James Bond: Small world. Plenty O'Toole: Hi, I'm Plenty. James Bond: But of course you are. Plenty O'Toole: Plenty O'Toole. James Bond: Named after your father perhaps? [James Bond is lucky with the dice while gambling] Plenty O'Toole: You handle those cubes like a monkey handles coconuts. James Bond: That's a nice little nothing you're almost wearing. [Plenty O'Toole is thrown out of the window by some goons perhaps from the 10th floor, and lands in the middle of the hotel's swimming pool] James Bond: [looking down] Exceptionally fine shot. Goon: I didn't know there was a pool down there. [A couple of oil workers open a hatch down to the oil pipe, and James Bond comes up to their surprise] James Bond: Thank you very much. I was just out walking my RAT and seem to have lost my way... James Bond: Good morning, gentlemen. ACME pollution inspection. We're cleaning up the world, we thought this was a suitable starting point. James Bond: Weren't you a blonde when I came in? Tiffany Case: Could be. James Bond: I tend to notice little things like that -- whether a girl is a blonde or a brunette. [To a rat.] James Bond: Well, one of us smells like a tart's handkerchief. [sniffs] James Bond: I'm afraid it's me. Sorry, old boy. Sir Donald Munger: You have been on holiday, I understand. Relaxing, I hope? James Bond: Oh, hardly relaxing, but most satisfying. James Bond: Pity about your liver, sir. Unusually fine Solera. '51, I believe. M: There is no year for sherry, 007. James Bond: I was referring to the original vintage on which the sherry is based, sir. 1851, unmistakable. Sir Donald Munger: Precisely. Mr. Wint: Curious, how everyone who touches those diamonds seems to die. James Bond: What can I bring you back from Holland? Miss Moneypenny: A diamond? In a ring? James Bond: Would you settle for a tulip? [Bond leaves] Miss Moneypenny: Mm, yes. Tiffany Case: Listen, you can drop me off at the next corner. This whole thing is getting a little out of hand. No regrets, but when you start stealing moon machines from Willard Whyte, GOOD bye and GOOD Luck! James Bond: Just relax, I have a friend named Felix who can fix anything. Tiffany Case: Is he married? [After being pulled over by the sherriff] Tiffany Case: [sarcastically] Relax, you've got a friend named Felix who can fix anything. James Bond: Unfortunately, so can Willard Whyte. Blofeld: You're showing a bit more cheek than usual Miss Case. [The guards take her to a cell] Blofeld: Too bad, such nice cheeks too... Blofeld: Press 'L' Mr. Bond word 'Lobby' begins with 'L'. [Plenty O'Toole is found face down in a swimming pool] Tiffany Case: She's... James Bond: Dead. Supposed to be you. The next link in the "pipeline". Tiffany Case: What are you talking about?! James Bond: Poor Plenty must have stumbled in here looking for you. Tiffany Case: I don't believe you! James Bond: A dentist is dead in South Africa. That little old lady in Amsterdam. Shady got his last night. They've missed me once. And you're next. Now, who's your connection? Tiffany Case: You sound like a cop- [Slaps her] James Bond: Who's your connection!? Tiffany Case: All I know, his voice is on a phone. They got me this place and told me to wait for further instructions. James Bond: You'll find that rather difficult to hear underwater. [Bond tastes the Mouton Rothschild wine served] James Bond: The wine is quite excellent. Although for such a grand meal I would have expected a claret. Mr. Wint: But of course. Unfortunately our cellar is poorly stocked with clarets. James Bond: Mouton Rothschild IS a claret. And, I've smelled that aftershave on you before and both times I've smelled a rat. Blofeld: Making mud pies, 007? James Bond: What do you intend to do with those diamonds? Blofeld: An excellent question. And one which will be hanging on the lips of the world quite soon. If I were to break the news to anyone it would be to you first, Mr Bond, you know that. Blofeld: Good evening, Mr Bond. James Bond: Blofeld? Blofeld Double: Good evening, 007. Blofeld: Double jeopardy, Mr Bond. Blofeld: You killed my only other double, and after his death, volunteers were understandably.......rather scarce.