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Full Monty, The

Police Inspector: Does your daddy always take his clothes off in front of you?
Nathan: Only when he's rehearsing.

Gaz: Told 'ya, robbing pipes, that's all.
Police officer: Gary, my friend, no bugger robs pipes in the buff.
Gaz: We do. Don't get your clothes dirty, do you?

[Discussing possible means of suicide.]
Dave: There's always drowning.
Lomper: But I can't swim.

Dave: Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is not.

Gerald: He's fat, you're thin, and you're both fucking ugly.

Horse: No one said anything to me about the full monty!

Gary 'Gaz' Schofield: Folks don't laugh so loud when you've a grand in your back pocket.

Gaz: Y' know Dave, it's a thought...
Gerald: Ha! I could just see Little and Large prancing around Sheffield with their widges hanging out. Now that *would* be worth 10 quid...
Gaz: Don't be so bloody daft. We were just saying...
Gerald: Widges on parade! Bring your own microscope!