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George of the Jungle

[Translating with a Swahili phrasebook.]
Lyle: Pardon me, girls. I know you're feeling pretty hey sailor up here about now. But if you would just let me order a bowl of fried clams we can all have smallpox tomorrow morning.

Lyle: Sorry, Stonebelly. The better man won, that's all. Or, I should say, the one who brought mercenaries won; *that's* all!

Ape: "All of George's secrets." There's the shortest book ever written.

Ape: George, remember the time I told you about Queensbury rules and fighting fair? Well, now's a good time to forget it.

George: To swing or not to swing? Swing.

Narrator: And so, onward and upward the tired trekkers trudged on feverished footsies on the perilous paths. When they beheld the mighty Ape Mountain, the reacted with awe.
Group: Aaaawwww.
Narrator: I said "awe." A-W-E.
Group: Ooohhh.
Narrator: That's better.

Narrator: The jungle king was pleased to find that he looked pretty good in Armani.
George: Pretty darn good.

Narrator: Meanwhile, at a very expensive waterfall set...

Thor: [discovering George through his telescopic sight] Hey, It's a dude.
[to Max his sidekick]
Thor: I told you there weren't no white ape. You dragged me all the way up here to look at some guy in a leopard skin bikini. If I wanted to see that, I could've stayed in Miami.

Ursula's mother: Arthur, I wish you would do something about all these monkeys. I feel like Jane Goodall.
Ape: Madam, I knew Jane Goodall and you are no Jane Goodall.

Narrator: Don't worry. Nobody dies in this story. They just get really big boo-boos.

Narrator: George can't die because he's the star.

George: Dog eat dog? Dog eat dog here? George never bringing Shep here! Uh uh! Never!

Narrator: OK, every story's gotta have a really big coincidence and here's ours:

Girl: Oh, my God....

[swinging a lion over his head while protecting Ursula]
George: George not even trying hard!

Swahili Guide: Bad guy falls in poop: Classic element of physical comedy. Now comes the part where we throw our heads back and laugh. Ready?
Guides: Ready!