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Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Hagrid: Harry, you're the boy who lived.

[after Harry mentions Fluffy to Hagrid]
Hagrid: who told you 'bout Fluffy?
Ron: Fluffy?!
Hermione: That thing has a name?!

Dumbledore: It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live.

Ron: It's spooky! She knows more about you than you do!
Harry: Who doesn't?

Mr. Ollivander: I think it is clear that we can expect great things from you.

Dumbledore: Dear Mr. Potter, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Soon, you and your schoolmates will join us here, and your education in the magical arts will begin.

Hermione: Now, if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed. Or worse, expelled.
Ron: She needs to sort out her priorities.

[Talking about Fluffy]
Hagrid: I lent him to Dumbledore to guard the...
Harry: Yes?
Hagrid: I shouldn't have told you that. No more questions, don't ask anymore questions!

[Repeated line]
Hagrid: I shouldn't have said that.

[In the Devil's Snare]
Hermione: I've read about these! It's the devil's snare! You have to relax if you don't it'll only kill you faster!
Ron: Faster? Oh, now I can relax!

[After Hermione and Harry sink in the Devil's Snare, Ron is still panicking]
Hermione: He's not relaxing, is he?
Harry: Apparently not.
Hermione: I remember reading about this in Herbology... Devil's Snare... "Devil's Snare can be deadly fun, but will sulk in the sun" that's it! Devil's Snare hates sunlight!
[She exerts a type of sunlight from her wand, after muttering a charm. Ron falls to the ground below.]
Ron: (sigh) Lucky thing we didn't panic.

Hagrid: You're a wizard, Harry!
Harry: I'm a what?

Hermione: Harry, no way! You heard what Madame Hooch said, besides, you don't even know how to fly!
[Harry ignores Hermione, giving Malfoy an evil look, he flies up. The class stare up at him.]
Hermione: What an idiot!

Draco Malfoy: [picks up Neville's Rememberall] Did you see his face? Maybe if that fat lump would have given this a squeeze, he'd have remembered to fall on his fat ass.

Hermione: You'll be okay, Harry. You're a great wizard. You really are.
Harry: Not as good as you.
Hermione: Me? Books and cleverness. There are more important things: friendship and bravery. And Harry, just be careful.

Hermione: Ron, you don't suppose this is going to be like . . real wizard's chess, do you?
Ron: Yes Hermione, I think this is going to be exactly like wizard's chess.

Harry: I swear I don't know. One second the glass was there and the next it was gone. It was like magic.
Uncle Vernon: There is no such thing as magic!

Draco Malfoy: Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask you yours. Red hair... and a hand-me-down robe... you must be a Weasley.

Dumbledore: What happened between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so naturally, the whole school knows.

[About Every Flavor Beans]
Dumbledore: You know, I was unfortunate enough to come across a vomit-flavored one in my youth, and haven't liked them since. But, I think I'll be safe with this toffee-flavored one [eats it)....Hmm, alas, earwax.

Ron: Wingardium leviosa!
Hermione: Stop, stop stop! You're going to take someone's eye out. Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's levi-O-sa, not levio-sa!

Ron: You're a little scary sometimes, you know that. Brilliant. But scary.

Hagrid: Dry up Dursley, you great prune!

Percy Weasley: And keep an eye on the staircases. They like to change.

George Weasly: He's not Fred, I am.
Fred Weasly: Honestly woman, you call yourself our mother.

Seamus Finnigan: I'm half and half. Dad's a muggle, Mum's a witch. Bit of a nasty shock for him when he found out.

Draco Malfoy: So it's true then, what they were saying on the train. Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts.

Caretaker Argus Filch: Detention would find you hanging by your thumbs in the dungeons...God, I miss the screamin'...

Caretaker Argus Filch: A pity they let the old punishment die... Was a time detention found you hanging by your thumbs in the dungeons... God, I miss the screaming.

Oliver Wood: Scared, Harry?
Harry: A little.
Oliver Wood: It's all right. I felt the same way before my first game.
Harry: What happened?
Oliver Wood: Er, I don't really remember. I took a bludger to the head two minutes in. Woke up in the hospital a week later.

Dudley Dursley: Daddy's gone mad hasn't he?

Professor McGonagall: This boy will be famous. There won't be a child in our world who doesn't know his name.

Harry: I can't be a wizard. I'm just Harry, just Harry.

Mr. Ollivander: It's curious that you should be destined for this wand when it's brother gave you that scar.

Ron: I'm Ron by the way, Ron Weasley.
Harry: I'm Harry. Harry Potter.
Ron: So.. so it's true! I mean, do you really have the.. the...
Harry: The what?
Ron: [in a hushed tone] The scar?
[Harry shows him the scar on his forehead]
Ron: Wicked!

Professor Severus Snape: I can teach you how to bewitch the mind, and ensnare the senses. I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper on death.

Neville Longbottom: The only problem is I can't remember what I've forgotten.

Ron: I think we've had a bad influence on her.

Ron: It's you that has to go on. Not me. Not Hermione. You!

Dumbledore: It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.

Dumbledore: It was one of my more brilliant ideas. And between you and me, that is saying something.

Dumbledore: And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death.

Ron: That was bloody brilliant!
Professor McGonagall: Well, thank you for that assessment, Mr.Weasley.

Ron: What do they think they're doing, keeping a thing like that locked up in a school?!
Hermione: You don't use your eyes, do you? Didn't you see what it was standing on?
Ron: I wasn't looking at its feet!! I was a bit preoccupied with its heads...or maybe you didn't notice? There were three!!

[Looking at a recently hatched dragon]
Hagrid: Isn't he beautiful? Oh, bless him! Look! He knows his mummy! 'alo Norbert!
Harry: Norbert?
Hagrid: Yeah, well, he's gotta have a name, don't he?

Ron: Immortal?
Hermione: It means you'll never die.
Ron: [angry] I know what it means!

Ron: Mental that one, I'm telling you.

Harry: [On how Hagrid is refusing to say Voldemort's name] Perhaps if you wrote it down...
Hagrid: Nah. Can't spell it.

[about the Bludgers]
Oliver Wood: Nasty little buggers.

Hagrid: Not all wizards are good.

Vordermont: There is no good and evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it...

[Quirrel runs into the Great Hall in hysterics]
Professor Quirrel: Troll! Troll! Troll in the dungeon!
[stops, is suddenly calm]
Professor Quirrel: Thought you ought to know.
[passes out on floor]

[Harry's suspicious that Snape was stealing the Philosopher's Stone]
Professor Quirrel: Yes, he does seem the type, doesn't he? Why, next to him, who would suspect p-p-poor, st-st-stuttering Professor Quirrell?

Professor Severus Snape: Mr. Potter. Our new celebrity.

Ron: Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid, fat rat yellow!

Uncle Vernon: Haven't I told you, he's not going!
Hagrid: Oh, and I suppose a great muggle like yourself is gonna stop him.

[After being in the Dark Forest]
Harry: I think if he had the chance, he would have killed me tonight.
Ron: And to think, I've been worrying about my potions final.

Professor McGonagall: [on Harry and Ron beating the Mountain Troll] Five points will be awarded to each of you...
[Ron and Harry smile at each other]
Professor McGonagall: ...for sheer dumb luck.

Fred Weasly: Well done, Harry. Wood just told us.
Ron: Fred and George are on the team, beaters.
George Weasly: Our job is to make sure you don't get bloodied up too bad. Can't make any promises, though. Rough game, Quidditch.
Fred Weasly: Brutal, but no one died in years. Someone will vanish occasionally, but they always turn up in a month or two!

Professor Severus Snape: What would three young Gryffindors like yourselves be doing inside..on a day like this?
[After Harry, Ron, and Hermoine fail to provide an answer]
Professor Severus Snape: You ought to be more careful. People with think you're..
[sees Harry staring at him]
Professor Severus Snape: up..to something.

Professor McGonagall: Nothing, I repeat, nothing... gives a student the right to walk about at night. Therefore, as punishment for your actions, 50 points will be taken.
Harry: 50!?!
[Ron and Hermione also looking shocked, Draco smirking]
Professor McGonagall: Each.
[Harry's mouth drops open]
Professor McGonagall: And to ensure it doesn't happen again... all four of you will receive detention.
Draco Malfoy: [smirk suddenly fades and steps up] Excuse me, professor, perhaps I heard you wrong. I thought you said the four of us.
Professor McGonagall: No, you heard me correctly. You see, as honorable as your intentions were, you too were out of bed after hours... You will join your classmates in detention.

[Scene: Detention in the forest]
[Hagrid's sad about Norbert being taken away]
Caretaker Argus Filch: For God's sake, pull yourself together man. You're going into the Forest after all. Got to have your wits about you eh?
Draco Malfoy: The Forest? I thought that was a joke. We can't go in there. Students aren't allowed. And there are...
[a howling noise is heard]
Draco Malfoy: ...werewolves.

Mr. Ollivander: We can expect great things from you. After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things. Terrible, yes! But great!

Harry: Excuse me sir, can you tell me where I might find Platform 9 and 3quarters?
Station Guard: 9 and 3quarters? Think you're being funny do ya?
[muttering to himself]
Station Guard: 9 and 3 quarters!

[Stepping over Neville lying on the floor, who Hermione has petrified using the 'Patrificus Totalus Curse']
Harry: Sorry.
Hermione: Sorry.
Ron: It's for your own good, you know.

Ron: I look good!

[Dudley's birthday]
Dudley Dursley: How many are they?

Sorting Hat: Not Slytherin eh? Are you sure? You could be great you know! Its all here in your head...and Slytherin will help you on the way to greatness.

Sorting Hat: Better make it ....GRYFFINDOR!!!

[Hagrid has just very aggressively knocked down the door where the Dursleys are staying]
Hagrid: [Calmly] "Sorry 'bout that"
[Picks door up]
Hagrid: .

Sorting Hat: Ah! Another Weasly. I know just what to do with you.

Seamus Finnigan: Eye of rabbit, heartstring hum, turn this water into rum.
[He checks the goblet, then tries again]
Harry: What's Seamus trying to do to that glass of water?
Ron: Turn it into rum. He managed a weak tea yesterday before....
[Explosion]

Professor McGonagall: Are the rumors true, Albus?
Dumbledore: I'm afraid so, Professor. The good....and the bad.

Hermione: Seriously, don't you two read?

Draco Malfoy: OK. Then I get Fang!
Hagrid: Fine. Just so you know, he's a bloody coward.




	Home Jokes Film Quotes Boss Alert News Forum Links		Back to - Film Quotes - H Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone Hagrid: Harry, you're the boy who lived. [after Harry mentions Fluffy to Hagrid] Hagrid: who told you 'bout Fluffy? Ron: Fluffy?! Hermione: That thing has a name?! Dumbledore: It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live. Ron: It's spooky! She knows more about you than you do! Harry: Who doesn't? Mr. Ollivander: I think it is clear that we can expect great things from you. Dumbledore: Dear Mr. Potter, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Soon, you and your schoolmates will join us here, and your education in the magical arts will begin. Hermione: Now, if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed. Or worse, expelled. Ron: She needs to sort out her priorities. [Talking about Fluffy] Hagrid: I lent him to Dumbledore to guard the... Harry: Yes? Hagrid: I shouldn't have told you that. No more questions, don't ask anymore questions! [Repeated line] Hagrid: I shouldn't have said that. [In the Devil's Snare] Hermione: I've read about these! It's the devil's snare! You have to relax if you don't it'll only kill you faster! Ron: Faster? Oh, now I can relax! [After Hermione and Harry sink in the Devil's Snare, Ron is still panicking] Hermione: He's not relaxing, is he? Harry: Apparently not. Hermione: I remember reading about this in Herbology... Devil's Snare... "Devil's Snare can be deadly fun, but will sulk in the sun" that's it! Devil's Snare hates sunlight! [She exerts a type of sunlight from her wand, after muttering a charm. Ron falls to the ground below.] Ron: (sigh) Lucky thing we didn't panic. Hagrid: You're a wizard, Harry! Harry: I'm a what? Hermione: Harry, no way! You heard what Madame Hooch said, besides, you don't even know how to fly! [Harry ignores Hermione, giving Malfoy an evil look, he flies up. The class stare up at him.] Hermione: What an idiot! Draco Malfoy: [picks up Neville's Rememberall] Did you see his face? Maybe if that fat lump would have given this a squeeze, he'd have remembered to fall on his fat ass. Hermione: You'll be okay, Harry. You're a great wizard. You really are. Harry: Not as good as you. Hermione: Me? Books and cleverness. There are more important things: friendship and bravery. And Harry, just be careful. Hermione: Ron, you don't suppose this is going to be like . . real wizard's chess, do you? Ron: Yes Hermione, I think this is going to be exactly like wizard's chess. Harry: I swear I don't know. One second the glass was there and the next it was gone. It was like magic. Uncle Vernon: There is no such thing as magic! Draco Malfoy: Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask you yours. Red hair... and a hand-me-down robe... you must be a Weasley. Dumbledore: What happened between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so naturally, the whole school knows. [About Every Flavor Beans] Dumbledore: You know, I was unfortunate enough to come across a vomit-flavored one in my youth, and haven't liked them since. But, I think I'll be safe with this toffee-flavored one [eats it)....Hmm, alas, earwax. Ron: Wingardium leviosa! Hermione: Stop, stop stop! You're going to take someone's eye out. Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's levi-O-sa, not levio-sa! Ron: You're a little scary sometimes, you know that. Brilliant. But scary. Hagrid: Dry up Dursley, you great prune! Percy Weasley: And keep an eye on the staircases. They like to change. George Weasly: He's not Fred, I am. Fred Weasly: Honestly woman, you call yourself our mother. Seamus Finnigan: I'm half and half. Dad's a muggle, Mum's a witch. Bit of a nasty shock for him when he found out. Draco Malfoy: So it's true then, what they were saying on the train. Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts. Caretaker Argus Filch: Detention would find you hanging by your thumbs in the dungeons...God, I miss the screamin'... Caretaker Argus Filch: A pity they let the old punishment die... Was a time detention found you hanging by your thumbs in the dungeons... God, I miss the screaming. Oliver Wood: Scared, Harry? Harry: A little. Oliver Wood: It's all right. I felt the same way before my first game. Harry: What happened? Oliver Wood: Er, I don't really remember. I took a bludger to the head two minutes in. Woke up in the hospital a week later. Dudley Dursley: Daddy's gone mad hasn't he? Professor McGonagall: This boy will be famous. There won't be a child in our world who doesn't know his name. Harry: I can't be a wizard. I'm just Harry, just Harry. Mr. Ollivander: It's curious that you should be destined for this wand when it's brother gave you that scar. Ron: I'm Ron by the way, Ron Weasley. Harry: I'm Harry. Harry Potter. Ron: So.. so it's true! I mean, do you really have the.. the... Harry: The what? Ron: [in a hushed tone] The scar? [Harry shows him the scar on his forehead] Ron: Wicked! Professor Severus Snape: I can teach you how to bewitch the mind, and ensnare the senses. I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper on death. Neville Longbottom: The only problem is I can't remember what I've forgotten. Ron: I think we've had a bad influence on her. Ron: It's you that has to go on. Not me. Not Hermione. You! Dumbledore: It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends. Dumbledore: It was one of my more brilliant ideas. And between you and me, that is saying something. Dumbledore: And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death. Ron: That was bloody brilliant! Professor McGonagall: Well, thank you for that assessment, Mr.Weasley. Ron: What do they think they're doing, keeping a thing like that locked up in a school?! Hermione: You don't use your eyes, do you? Didn't you see what it was standing on? Ron: I wasn't looking at its feet!! I was a bit preoccupied with its heads...or maybe you didn't notice? There were three!! [Looking at a recently hatched dragon] Hagrid: Isn't he beautiful? Oh, bless him! Look! He knows his mummy! 'alo Norbert! Harry: Norbert? Hagrid: Yeah, well, he's gotta have a name, don't he? Ron: Immortal? Hermione: It means you'll never die. Ron: [angry] I know what it means! Ron: Mental that one, I'm telling you. Harry: [On how Hagrid is refusing to say Voldemort's name] Perhaps if you wrote it down... Hagrid: Nah. Can't spell it. [about the Bludgers] Oliver Wood: Nasty little buggers. Hagrid: Not all wizards are good. Vordermont: There is no good and evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it... [Quirrel runs into the Great Hall in hysterics] Professor Quirrel: Troll! Troll! Troll in the dungeon! [stops, is suddenly calm] Professor Quirrel: Thought you ought to know. [passes out on floor] [Harry's suspicious that Snape was stealing the Philosopher's Stone] Professor Quirrel: Yes, he does seem the type, doesn't he? Why, next to him, who would suspect p-p-poor, st-st-stuttering Professor Quirrell? Professor Severus Snape: Mr. Potter. Our new celebrity. Ron: Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid, fat rat yellow! Uncle Vernon: Haven't I told you, he's not going! Hagrid: Oh, and I suppose a great muggle like yourself is gonna stop him. [After being in the Dark Forest] Harry: I think if he had the chance, he would have killed me tonight. Ron: And to think, I've been worrying about my potions final. Professor McGonagall: [on Harry and Ron beating the Mountain Troll] Five points will be awarded to each of you... [Ron and Harry smile at each other] Professor McGonagall: ...for sheer dumb luck. Fred Weasly: Well done, Harry. Wood just told us. Ron: Fred and George are on the team, beaters. George Weasly: Our job is to make sure you don't get bloodied up too bad. Can't make any promises, though. Rough game, Quidditch. Fred Weasly: Brutal, but no one died in years. Someone will vanish occasionally, but they always turn up in a month or two! Professor Severus Snape: What would three young Gryffindors like yourselves be doing inside..on a day like this? [After Harry, Ron, and Hermoine fail to provide an answer] Professor Severus Snape: You ought to be more careful. People with think you're.. [sees Harry staring at him] Professor Severus Snape: up..to something. Professor McGonagall: Nothing, I repeat, nothing... gives a student the right to walk about at night. Therefore, as punishment for your actions, 50 points will be taken. Harry: 50!?! [Ron and Hermione also looking shocked, Draco smirking] Professor McGonagall: Each. [Harry's mouth drops open] Professor McGonagall: And to ensure it doesn't happen again... all four of you will receive detention. Draco Malfoy: [smirk suddenly fades and steps up] Excuse me, professor, perhaps I heard you wrong. I thought you said the four of us. Professor McGonagall: No, you heard me correctly. You see, as honorable as your intentions were, you too were out of bed after hours... You will join your classmates in detention. [Scene: Detention in the forest] [Hagrid's sad about Norbert being taken away] Caretaker Argus Filch: For God's sake, pull yourself together man. You're going into the Forest after all. Got to have your wits about you eh? Draco Malfoy: The Forest? I thought that was a joke. We can't go in there. Students aren't allowed. And there are... [a howling noise is heard] Draco Malfoy: ...werewolves. Mr. Ollivander: We can expect great things from you. After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things. Terrible, yes! But great! Harry: Excuse me sir, can you tell me where I might find Platform 9 and 3quarters? Station Guard: 9 and 3quarters? Think you're being funny do ya? [muttering to himself] Station Guard: 9 and 3 quarters! [Stepping over Neville lying on the floor, who Hermione has petrified using the 'Patrificus Totalus Curse'] Harry: Sorry. Hermione: Sorry. Ron: It's for your own good, you know. Ron: I look good! [Dudley's birthday] Dudley Dursley: How many are they? Sorting Hat: Not Slytherin eh? Are you sure? You could be great you know! Its all here in your head...and Slytherin will help you on the way to greatness. Sorting Hat: Better make it ....GRYFFINDOR!!! [Hagrid has just very aggressively knocked down the door where the Dursleys are staying] Hagrid: [Calmly] "Sorry 'bout that" [Picks door up] Hagrid: . Sorting Hat: Ah! Another Weasly. I know just what to do with you. Seamus Finnigan: Eye of rabbit, heartstring hum, turn this water into rum. [He checks the goblet, then tries again] Harry: What's Seamus trying to do to that glass of water? Ron: Turn it into rum. He managed a weak tea yesterday before.... [Explosion] Professor McGonagall: Are the rumors true, Albus? Dumbledore: I'm afraid so, Professor. The good....and the bad. Hermione: Seriously, don't you two read? Draco Malfoy: OK. Then I get Fang! Hagrid: Fine. Just so you know, he's a bloody coward.