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Just Married

Sarah: Tom, Tom, calm down your acting crazy.
Tom: O.K, sorry, maybe it's just the fact I just got hit in the head with a ten pound ashtray.

Tom: I need to know everything.. where, when, how small his weiner is!

Tom: Did you use protection?
Sarah: I'm sorry, they don't make condoms that big.

Peter: I'm not afraid of you. I studied martial arts with some of the best Chinese masters.
Tom: Well, I sure hope they taught you how to pull a fire poker out of your ass!

Tom: The first sex I had on my honeymoon, was with a man named Sergio!

Sarah: Cheese and rice!

Sarah: [to customs agent] No, but my husband does have two pounds of hash in his rectum.

[Outside bathroom]
Stewardess: Please, the seats lights are on. Please return to your seats.
[Inside bathroom]
Sarah: BEAT IT STEW!

Tom: Look, Yuan, Willie, whoever else is listening. You don't want me to be with Sarah and I can't change that. I don't know where we're gonna be in 10, 20, 40 years. I don't know who we're gonna be. I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to give her all of this. There are a million things that I don't know. But there's one thing that I do. And that's that I love Sarah. And I am going to love her day in and day out for the rest of my life. Now, will you please...please... open the gate so I can tell that to my wife.

Tom's Dad: Gonna tell me what your chewin' on?
Tom: I just don't know if love is enough anymore.
Tom's Dad: What do you mean, "enough"?
Tom: I mean... Even if Sarah and I do love each other... maybe we did need more time to get to know each other.
Tom's Dad: So-
[clears throat]
Tom's Dad: what your saying here is... you had a couple of bad days in Europe and... it's over. Time to grow up, Tommy.
Tom: Hmm?
Tom's Dad: Some days your mother and me loved each other. Other days we had to work at it. You never see the hard days in a photo album... but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next. I'm sorry your honeymoon stunk but that's what you got dealt. Now you gotta work through it. Sarah doesn't need a guy with a fat wallet to make her happy. I saw how you love this girl. How you two lit each other up. She doesn't need anymore security than that.
Tom: Thanks, dad.

Sarah: Is that a Thunderstick A-200
Tom: When did you become an expert?
Sarah: I told you about that night in college.
Tom: But you never told me about the hardware. We gotta charge this thing
Sarah: That plug won't fit in European outlet.
Tom: I'll make it fit.

[After being shocked while trying to charge the battery in an adult toy]
Tom: Good thing that didn't happen while we were using it.




	Home Jokes Film Quotes Boss Alert News Forum Links		Back to - Film Quotes - J Just Married Sarah: Tom, Tom, calm down your acting crazy. Tom: O.K, sorry, maybe it's just the fact I just got hit in the head with a ten pound ashtray. Tom: I need to know everything.. where, when, how small his weiner is! Tom: Did you use protection? Sarah: I'm sorry, they don't make condoms that big. Peter: I'm not afraid of you. I studied martial arts with some of the best Chinese masters. Tom: Well, I sure hope they taught you how to pull a fire poker out of your ass! Tom: The first sex I had on my honeymoon, was with a man named Sergio! Sarah: Cheese and rice! Sarah: [to customs agent] No, but my husband does have two pounds of hash in his rectum. [Outside bathroom] Stewardess: Please, the seats lights are on. Please return to your seats. [Inside bathroom] Sarah: BEAT IT STEW! Tom: Look, Yuan, Willie, whoever else is listening. You don't want me to be with Sarah and I can't change that. I don't know where we're gonna be in 10, 20, 40 years. I don't know who we're gonna be. I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to give her all of this. There are a million things that I don't know. But there's one thing that I do. And that's that I love Sarah. And I am going to love her day in and day out for the rest of my life. Now, will you please...please... open the gate so I can tell that to my wife. Tom's Dad: Gonna tell me what your chewin' on? Tom: I just don't know if love is enough anymore. Tom's Dad: What do you mean, "enough"? Tom: I mean... Even if Sarah and I do love each other... maybe we did need more time to get to know each other. Tom's Dad: So- [clears throat] Tom's Dad: what your saying here is... you had a couple of bad days in Europe and... it's over. Time to grow up, Tommy. Tom: Hmm? Tom's Dad: Some days your mother and me loved each other. Other days we had to work at it. You never see the hard days in a photo album... but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next. I'm sorry your honeymoon stunk but that's what you got dealt. Now you gotta work through it. Sarah doesn't need a guy with a fat wallet to make her happy. I saw how you love this girl. How you two lit each other up. She doesn't need anymore security than that. Tom: Thanks, dad. Sarah: Is that a Thunderstick A-200 Tom: When did you become an expert? Sarah: I told you about that night in college. Tom: But you never told me about the hardware. We gotta charge this thing Sarah: That plug won't fit in European outlet. Tom: I'll make it fit. [After being shocked while trying to charge the battery in an adult toy] Tom: Good thing that didn't happen while we were using it.