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Meet The Parents

Jack Byrnes: I will be watching you.

Jack Byrnes: Are you a pothead, Focker?

Greg Focker: You can milk just about anything with nipples.
Jack Byrnes: I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me?

[Jack's Poem]
Jack Byrnes: "My Mother" by Jack Byrnes / You gave me life. / You gave me milk. / You gave me courage. / Your name was Angela. / An Angel from Heaven. / But you were also an angel of God. / And he needed you to. / I selfishly tried to hold on to you, / While the cancer ate away at your organs, / Like a rebel force. / And now we'll meet in heaven. / And I shall see you / Nevermore. Nevermore. Nevermore.
Pam Byrnes: Dad, that's beautiful.
Greg Focker: Yes, it was so beautiful, and yet, had so much information.

Jack Byrnes: I mean, can you really trust another human being, Greg?
Greg Focker: Yeah, I think so.
Jack Byrnes: No. The answer is you can not.

Jack Byrnes: I'm just curious, did you pick the color of the car?
Greg Focker: Uh no, the guy at the window did, why?
Jack Byrnes: Well they say geniuses pick green.
Greg Focker: Oh.
Jack Byrnes: But you didn't pick it.

Greg Focker: I'm gonna go upstairs and pay a visit to the shower fairy.

Jack Byrnes: His parents gotta be decent people if they named their son Gaylord Focker.

Jack Byrnes: Trust me, Greg, when you start having little Fockers running around, you'll feel the need for this type of security.

[Greg is trying to fit his large bag into the overhead bin.]
Flight Attendant: I'm sorry, sir, you're gonna have to check that.
Greg Focker: I got it.
Flight Attendant: No, I'm sorry, that bag won't fit.
Greg Focker: No, no, I'm not--hey, I'm not checking my bag, okay?
Flight Attendant: There's no need to raise your voice, sir.
Greg Focker: I'm not raising my voice. THIS WOULD BE RAISING MY VOICE TO YOU, okay? I don't want to check my bag, okay? And, by the way, your airline? You SUCK at checking bags, okay, because I already did that once and you lost it, and then I had everything screwed up very badly for me, okay?
Flight Attendant: Well, I can assure you that your bag will be placed safely below deck with the other luggage...
Greg Focker: Oh, yeah? How do you know my bag will be safe below with the other luggage? Huh? Are you physically going to take my bag and put it beneath the plane? Are you going to go right now outside, with the guys with the earmuffs, and go put it in there?
Flight Attendant: No...
Greg Focker: No? Okay, then shut your piehole and listen to me when I say that I am FINISHED with the checking-of-the-bags CONVERSATION!

Greg Focker: The only way that I would ever let go of my bag would be if you came over here right now and tried to pry it from my dead, lifeless fingers, okay? If you can get it from my kung-fu grip, then you can come and have it, okay? Otherwise, step off, bitch.

Jack Byrnes: Oh, geez. I just thought of something.
Dina Byrnes: What?
Jack Byrnes: Pam's middle name.
Dina Byrnes: Martha. ...Oh, no.
Jack Byrnes, Dina Byrnes: Pamela Martha Focker!

Jack Byrnes: I will be watching you and if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown!

Greg Focker: Hey Jack, why don't you tell 'em about your little phone call in Thai.
Dina Byrnes: Jack can't talk Thai.
Greg Focker: Oh no, Dina, Jack talked Thai. Jack talked Thai real well.

Greg Focker: Check my pulse on this question, Jack, do I think you're a psycho? Yes!

Jack Byrnes: I understand you may have had sexual relations with my daughter before, but under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island Expressway! So just keep your snake in its cage for 72 hours.

Dina Byrnes: Now Greg, you have a *very* unique last name and Jack and I were wondering how to pronounce it?
Greg Focker: Oh, just like its spelt. F-O-C-K-E-R.
Dina Byrnes: F-Focker!
Jack Byrnes: Hmm, Focker.

Denny Byrnes: You just sniffing my boxers, man?
Greg Focker: No, dude

Jack Byrnes: That smell, Bob, is our shit! Focker flushed the toilet in the den!
Greg Focker: I told you Jack it wasn't me it was Jynx.
Jack Byrnes: FOCKER! i'm not gonna tell you again Jynx cannot flush the toilet he's a cat for christ sakes!!
Larry: The animal doesn't even have thumbs Focker!

Greg Focker: This handles like a dream.
Larry: Let's not make it a nightmare.

Jack Byrnes: Did you flush this toilet?
Greg Focker: Maybe...You know what, maybe Jinx flushed it. I saw little Jinxy in there last night and he took a squatted...relieved himself.
Jack Byrnes: Jinx knows not to use that toilet and even if he did, he'd never flush it.
Greg Focker: What does it matter?
Jack Byrnes: The matter, Greg RN, is that when this toilet is flushed, it runs, and when you have a sceptic tank that's nearly full and a toilet that's been running all night, then you could have a hell of a problem.

[in the car listening to "Puff the Magic Dragon"]
Greg Focker: Who'd have thought it wasn't about a dragon.
Jack Byrnes: Huh?
Greg Focker: Well some people think that 'to puff the magic dragon' means to... puff... smoke... marijuana cigarettes.
Jack Byrnes: You a part of that Focker?
Greg Focker: No, I pass on grass always. Well not always.
Jack Byrnes: Yes or no?
Greg Focker: No, um, yes, um...

Norm: You threatened that stewardess with a bomb!
Greg Focker: No I said I didn't have a bomb.
Norm: But you said bomb!
Greg Focker: What is wrong with saying bomb on an airplane?
Norm: You can't say bomb on an airplane.
Greg Focker: Bomb bomb bomb bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb bomb bomb! During the war I was a BOMBadier.

Pam Byrnes: Greg Honey, how are you doing?
Greg Focker: Oh great, considering I desecrated your Grandma's remains, found out you were engaged, and had your Father ask me to milk him!

Jack Byrnes: Greg's in medicine too.
Bob Banks: What field?
Greg Focker: Nursing.
Bob Banks: Ha ha ha ha. No, really, what field are you in?
Greg Focker: Nursing.

Greg Focker: Don't worry about your little covert op, I'll keep it on the low down.
Denny Byrnes: Down low.
Greg Focker: No doubt!

Kevin: [On who inspired him to be a wood worker] I'd have to say Jesus. He was a carpenter and I figured if you're going to follow in somebody's footsteps, why not the steps of our lord and savior?
Jack Byrnes: [Before Greg has a chance to respond] Greg's Jewish.
Kevin: Really? Well so was J.C.!

[Greg is sitting in the dark. Pam walks in to check on him]
Pam Byrnes: What's the matter sweetie? Can't sleep?
Greg Focker: No, no. I was just going over my answers to the polygraph your dad just gave me.

Delivery Man: Gaylord M. Focker?
Greg Focker: That's me.
Jack Byrnes: I thought your name was Greg.
Greg Focker: It is.
Delivery Man: That's not what it says here.
Greg Focker: Gaylord is my legal name. Nobody's called me by it since third grade.
Denny Byrnes: Wait a minute, so your name is Gay Focker?

Pam Byrnes: You never told me about your cat milking days in Motown.

Jack Byrnes: Jesus, Focker! It's just a game!

Jack Byrnes: You tried to milk him, didn't you you sick son of a bitch!?

Greg Focker: [on the phone] Yeah, you gave me the wrong suitcase. Uh-huh. Yes, it's a black Samsonite. Uh-huh. Ok, well don't you think that the Samsonite people, in some crazy scheme in order to make a profit, MADE MORE THAN ONE BLACK SUITCASE?!




	Home Jokes Film Quotes Boss Alert News Forum Links		Back to - Film Quotes - M Meet The Parents Jack Byrnes: I will be watching you. Jack Byrnes: Are you a pothead, Focker? Greg Focker: You can milk just about anything with nipples. Jack Byrnes: I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me? [Jack's Poem] Jack Byrnes: "My Mother" by Jack Byrnes / You gave me life. / You gave me milk. / You gave me courage. / Your name was Angela. / An Angel from Heaven. / But you were also an angel of God. / And he needed you to. / I selfishly tried to hold on to you, / While the cancer ate away at your organs, / Like a rebel force. / And now we'll meet in heaven. / And I shall see you / Nevermore. Nevermore. Nevermore. Pam Byrnes: Dad, that's beautiful. Greg Focker: Yes, it was so beautiful, and yet, had so much information. Jack Byrnes: I mean, can you really trust another human being, Greg? Greg Focker: Yeah, I think so. Jack Byrnes: No. The answer is you can not. Jack Byrnes: I'm just curious, did you pick the color of the car? Greg Focker: Uh no, the guy at the window did, why? Jack Byrnes: Well they say geniuses pick green. Greg Focker: Oh. Jack Byrnes: But you didn't pick it. Greg Focker: I'm gonna go upstairs and pay a visit to the shower fairy. Jack Byrnes: His parents gotta be decent people if they named their son Gaylord Focker. Jack Byrnes: Trust me, Greg, when you start having little Fockers running around, you'll feel the need for this type of security. [Greg is trying to fit his large bag into the overhead bin.] Flight Attendant: I'm sorry, sir, you're gonna have to check that. Greg Focker: I got it. Flight Attendant: No, I'm sorry, that bag won't fit. Greg Focker: No, no, I'm not--hey, I'm not checking my bag, okay? Flight Attendant: There's no need to raise your voice, sir. Greg Focker: I'm not raising my voice. THIS WOULD BE RAISING MY VOICE TO YOU, okay? I don't want to check my bag, okay? And, by the way, your airline? You SUCK at checking bags, okay, because I already did that once and you lost it, and then I had everything screwed up very badly for me, okay? Flight Attendant: Well, I can assure you that your bag will be placed safely below deck with the other luggage... Greg Focker: Oh, yeah? How do you know my bag will be safe below with the other luggage? Huh? Are you physically going to take my bag and put it beneath the plane? Are you going to go right now outside, with the guys with the earmuffs, and go put it in there? Flight Attendant: No... Greg Focker: No? Okay, then shut your piehole and listen to me when I say that I am FINISHED with the checking-of-the-bags CONVERSATION! Greg Focker: The only way that I would ever let go of my bag would be if you came over here right now and tried to pry it from my dead, lifeless fingers, okay? If you can get it from my kung-fu grip, then you can come and have it, okay? Otherwise, step off, bitch. Jack Byrnes: Oh, geez. I just thought of something. Dina Byrnes: What? Jack Byrnes: Pam's middle name. Dina Byrnes: Martha. ...Oh, no. Jack Byrnes, Dina Byrnes: Pamela Martha Focker! Jack Byrnes: I will be watching you and if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown! Greg Focker: Hey Jack, why don't you tell 'em about your little phone call in Thai. Dina Byrnes: Jack can't talk Thai. Greg Focker: Oh no, Dina, Jack talked Thai. Jack talked Thai real well. Greg Focker: Check my pulse on this question, Jack, do I think you're a psycho? Yes! Jack Byrnes: I understand you may have had sexual relations with my daughter before, but under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island Expressway! So just keep your snake in its cage for 72 hours. Dina Byrnes: Now Greg, you have a very unique last name and Jack and I were wondering how to pronounce it? Greg Focker: Oh, just like its spelt. F-O-C-K-E-R. Dina Byrnes: F-Focker! Jack Byrnes: Hmm, Focker. Denny Byrnes: You just sniffing my boxers, man? Greg Focker: No, dude Jack Byrnes: That smell, Bob, is our shit! Focker flushed the toilet in the den! Greg Focker: I told you Jack it wasn't me it was Jynx. Jack Byrnes: FOCKER! i'm not gonna tell you again Jynx cannot flush the toilet he's a cat for christ sakes!! Larry: The animal doesn't even have thumbs Focker! Greg Focker: This handles like a dream. Larry: Let's not make it a nightmare. Jack Byrnes: Did you flush this toilet? Greg Focker: Maybe...You know what, maybe Jinx flushed it. I saw little Jinxy in there last night and he took a squatted...relieved himself. Jack Byrnes: Jinx knows not to use that toilet and even if he did, he'd never flush it. Greg Focker: What does it matter? Jack Byrnes: The matter, Greg RN, is that when this toilet is flushed, it runs, and when you have a sceptic tank that's nearly full and a toilet that's been running all night, then you could have a hell of a problem. [in the car listening to "Puff the Magic Dragon"] Greg Focker: Who'd have thought it wasn't about a dragon. Jack Byrnes: Huh? Greg Focker: Well some people think that 'to puff the magic dragon' means to... puff... smoke... marijuana cigarettes. Jack Byrnes: You a part of that Focker? Greg Focker: No, I pass on grass always. Well not always. Jack Byrnes: Yes or no? Greg Focker: No, um, yes, um... Norm: You threatened that stewardess with a bomb! Greg Focker: No I said I didn't have a bomb. Norm: But you said bomb! Greg Focker: What is wrong with saying bomb on an airplane? Norm: You can't say bomb on an airplane. Greg Focker: Bomb bomb bomb bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb bomb bomb! During the war I was a BOMBadier. Pam Byrnes: Greg Honey, how are you doing? Greg Focker: Oh great, considering I desecrated your Grandma's remains, found out you were engaged, and had your Father ask me to milk him! Jack Byrnes: Greg's in medicine too. Bob Banks: What field? Greg Focker: Nursing. Bob Banks: Ha ha ha ha. No, really, what field are you in? Greg Focker: Nursing. Greg Focker: Don't worry about your little covert op, I'll keep it on the low down. Denny Byrnes: Down low. Greg Focker: No doubt! Kevin: [On who inspired him to be a wood worker] I'd have to say Jesus. He was a carpenter and I figured if you're going to follow in somebody's footsteps, why not the steps of our lord and savior? Jack Byrnes: [Before Greg has a chance to respond] Greg's Jewish. Kevin: Really? Well so was J.C.! [Greg is sitting in the dark. Pam walks in to check on him] Pam Byrnes: What's the matter sweetie? Can't sleep? Greg Focker: No, no. I was just going over my answers to the polygraph your dad just gave me. Delivery Man: Gaylord M. Focker? Greg Focker: That's me. Jack Byrnes: I thought your name was Greg. Greg Focker: It is. Delivery Man: That's not what it says here. Greg Focker: Gaylord is my legal name. Nobody's called me by it since third grade. Denny Byrnes: Wait a minute, so your name is Gay Focker? Pam Byrnes: You never told me about your cat milking days in Motown. Jack Byrnes: Jesus, Focker! It's just a game! Jack Byrnes: You tried to milk him, didn't you you sick son of a bitch!? Greg Focker: [on the phone] Yeah, you gave me the wrong suitcase. Uh-huh. Yes, it's a black Samsonite. Uh-huh. Ok, well don't you think that the Samsonite people, in some crazy scheme in order to make a profit, MADE MORE THAN ONE BLACK SUITCASE?!