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Men in Black 2

Agent J: Let's put it on.
Kevin Brown/K: What?
Agent J: The last suit you'll ever wear...again.

Agent J: You probably don't remember me, but we used to work together.
Kevin Brown/K: [noticing J's black suit.] I don't remember working in a funeral home.

[about the driver airbag]
Kevin Brown/K: Does that come standard?
Agent J: Actually it came with a black dude, but he kept getting pulled over.

Agent J: Look, I know you're a little scared. And I'm gonna keep it real with you, I'm a little scared too.
Kevin Brown/K: I'm not scared.
Agent J: Me neither.

Agent J: What are you doing?
Kevin Brown/K: I always do the driving.
Agent J: Oh, no.
Kevin Brown/K: I remember that.
Agent J: No, you drive that old busted joint. I drive... the new hotness.

Kevin Brown/K: Why don't you go get me some coffee?
Agent J: Okay, you usually take it black? 'Couple cubes of kiss-my-ass?

Frank the Pug: [Frank sings "I Will Survive"] I know you're back from outer space. I just walked in here to find you with that sad look upon your face. I should've dropped that stupid lock-
Agent J: FRANK!

Agent J: Could I have your attention for a moment, please?
[neuralyzes the crowd]
Agent J: Thank you for participating in our drill. Had this been an actual emergency, y'all would have been EATEN. 'Cause you don't listen! That's the trouble with you New Yorkers, you're hardheaded. "Oh, we've seen it all." I come in, I ask you nicely... how's a man gonna come in trying to help you--then the worm comes in, and it's, "Oh, save us, Mr. Black Man!" You all--
[neuralyzes the crowd again]
Agent J: Thank you for participating in our drill. Hopefully you enjoyed our smaller, more energy-efficient subway cars. Watch your step, y'all have a nice evening.

Kevin Brown/K: The Crelons are the Backstreet Boys of the universe. What'd they do, throw snowballs at you?

[handing Kay the Noisy Cricket]
Agent J: This is your favorite gun.

Worms: Once you've had worm, it's what you'll yearn!

Serleena: Silly little planet. Anyone could take over the place with the right set of mammary glands.

Mugger: Hello, pretty lady.
[licks her]
Mugger: You taste good.
Serleena: [eats him whole] So do you.

Jeebs: Smoke 'em if you got them.

Agent J: Worms! Give me Some Cover Fire!
Worm: Too Scared, Can't Move

Agent J: Kid? While you were off licking stamos I saved the World from a Crelon invasion.

Zed: You didn't neauralize another one?
Agent J: What's that supposed to mean. Okay, you can't count A, and L really wanted to go back to that morgue.

Frank the Pug: C'mon, J. She ain't even my species, and she makes me hot.

[After K shoots an alien in the head]
Agent J: You're back.
Kevin Brown/K: No.
Agent J: Then how did you know that his head would grow back?
Kevin Brown/K: It grows back?

Undercover alien intelligence officer: I could be Agent M

Agent J: Jarra, you are under arrest for being that ugly, and for making that many copies!

Newton: So what's with anal probing?

Agent J: I'm not going to take advice on relationships from a guy who chases his own ass.
Frank the Pug: That is canine profiling, and I resent it!

[After a disappointing performance]
Tee: crying-You're going to neuralize me, brought me to a public place so I wouldn't make a scene.
Agent J: You ARE making a scene

Frank the Pug: How about we do the good cop, bad cop routine? You can interrogate the witness, and I'll just growl. Grrrrr....
Agent J: How about we do the good cop, dumb dog routine, and you just shut up.

Agent J: Yeah, every Saturday night you'd be like, 'Flush me J. Flush me.' and I'd be like, 'Naw'.

Agent J: I need a containment crew at the subway station at 81st Street, revoke Jeff's movement privileges immediately, and would someone PLEASE check the expiration date on the Unipod worm tranquilizers?

[Jay neuralyzes Tee]
Agent J: Get married, have a bunch of kids, live happily.
Tee: Okay.
Agent J: [to a waitress on his way out] My friend over there's kind of shy, but he thinks you are HOT.
[Tee smiles at the waitress.]

Customs Agent: Purpose of trip?
Serleena: Education. I want to learn how to be an underwear model.

Scrad: We don't even know what planet it's on!
Serleena: He said, "the third planet!" It's on EARTH, you moron!
Charlie: [whispers] "Third Rock From the Sun."
Scrad: I never got that till now!

[To an agent who laughs at him]
Frank the Pug: You have children?
Agent: No.
Frank the Pug: Want 'em?
[bares his teeth]

[After Jay shows Kevin/Kay that every other employee in the post office is an alien]
Kevin Brown/K: The wife and I went to Vegas and saw Sigfried and Roy make a pair of white tigers fly around the room. Your act's nothing special, slick.

Jarra: They caught me siphoning ozone from their atmosphere to sell on the black market. These humans are very touchy about this global warming thing.

Agent J: Jarra! Hey, been a long time.
Jarra: Five years and forty-two days. You count every one when you're locked away like a primate.

Worms: K, you're back, they told us you were dead, you look good!

[Frank is wearing his very own MIB suit]
Frank the Pug: J! Wait up! I appreciate this shot man. Thought I'd never get out of that mailroom.
Agent J: Lose the suit!
Frank the Pug: Sure thing partner. No problemo. Just going for the look. But if I say so myself, I do find the overall effect very slimming!

Agent J: Would somebody PLEASE explain to me why I have a dead Tricranosloth going through Passport Control?
MIB Agent: That would be my fault Sir. I'm very sorry Sir. Please don't neuralize me Sir!
Agent J: Wha' the hell's that supposed to mean?

[J takes Kevin/K into the Deneuralizer room]
Agent J: The Deneuralizer. In a few moments, transverse magneto energy will surge through your brain, unlocking information hidden deep and dormant that could hold the key to Earth's very survival.
Kevin Brown/K: Okay
[Pointing at the deneuralizer]
Kevin Brown/K: What's that thing?

[On the train]
Agent J: Please move to the forward car, we've got a bug in the system.
[He is ignored by the passengers]
Agent J: YO! WE GOT A BUG IN THE ELECTRICAL SYSTEM!
[A huge bug smashes through into the compartment, the passengers flee]
Agent J: Oh! Now y'all runnin' Now y'all... No, no, no, no, sit down, sit down, It's only a 600 foot worm!

[At passport control]
MIB Customs Agent: ...Any fruit or vegetables?
Serleena: [Motioning towards Scrad] Yeah Two heads of cabbage.

[in the midst of alien fight K repeatedly kicks an alien in the crotch but nothing happens]
Agent J: K that won't work he's a Balchinian!!

[J tangles with Serleena's tenticles]
Agent J: I'm gonna lay the smackdown on your candy-ass!

Grand Central Station Locker Creatures: K is back! The keeper of the light! All hail K! All hail K! Oh K can you see by the dawn's early light...




	Home Jokes Film Quotes Boss Alert News Forum Links		Back to - Film Quotes - M Men in Black 2 Agent J: Let's put it on. Kevin Brown/K: What? Agent J: The last suit you'll ever wear...again. Agent J: You probably don't remember me, but we used to work together. Kevin Brown/K: [noticing J's black suit.] I don't remember working in a funeral home. [about the driver airbag] Kevin Brown/K: Does that come standard? Agent J: Actually it came with a black dude, but he kept getting pulled over. Agent J: Look, I know you're a little scared. And I'm gonna keep it real with you, I'm a little scared too. Kevin Brown/K: I'm not scared. Agent J: Me neither. Agent J: What are you doing? Kevin Brown/K: I always do the driving. Agent J: Oh, no. Kevin Brown/K: I remember that. Agent J: No, you drive that old busted joint. I drive... the new hotness. Kevin Brown/K: Why don't you go get me some coffee? Agent J: Okay, you usually take it black? 'Couple cubes of kiss-my-ass? Frank the Pug: [Frank sings "I Will Survive"] I know you're back from outer space. I just walked in here to find you with that sad look upon your face. I should've dropped that stupid lock- Agent J: FRANK! Agent J: Could I have your attention for a moment, please? [neuralyzes the crowd] Agent J: Thank you for participating in our drill. Had this been an actual emergency, y'all would have been EATEN. 'Cause you don't listen! That's the trouble with you New Yorkers, you're hardheaded. "Oh, we've seen it all." I come in, I ask you nicely... how's a man gonna come in trying to help you--then the worm comes in, and it's, "Oh, save us, Mr. Black Man!" You all-- [neuralyzes the crowd again] Agent J: Thank you for participating in our drill. Hopefully you enjoyed our smaller, more energy-efficient subway cars. Watch your step, y'all have a nice evening. Kevin Brown/K: The Crelons are the Backstreet Boys of the universe. What'd they do, throw snowballs at you? [handing Kay the Noisy Cricket] Agent J: This is your favorite gun. Worms: Once you've had worm, it's what you'll yearn! Serleena: Silly little planet. Anyone could take over the place with the right set of mammary glands. Mugger: Hello, pretty lady. [licks her] Mugger: You taste good. Serleena: [eats him whole] So do you. Jeebs: Smoke 'em if you got them. Agent J: Worms! Give me Some Cover Fire! Worm: Too Scared, Can't Move Agent J: Kid? While you were off licking stamos I saved the World from a Crelon invasion. Zed: You didn't neauralize another one? Agent J: What's that supposed to mean. Okay, you can't count A, and L really wanted to go back to that morgue. Frank the Pug: C'mon, J. She ain't even my species, and she makes me hot. [After K shoots an alien in the head] Agent J: You're back. Kevin Brown/K: No. Agent J: Then how did you know that his head would grow back? Kevin Brown/K: It grows back? Undercover alien intelligence officer: I could be Agent M Agent J: Jarra, you are under arrest for being that ugly, and for making that many copies! Newton: So what's with anal probing? Agent J: I'm not going to take advice on relationships from a guy who chases his own ass. Frank the Pug: That is canine profiling, and I resent it! [After a disappointing performance] Tee: crying-You're going to neuralize me, brought me to a public place so I wouldn't make a scene. Agent J: You ARE making a scene Frank the Pug: How about we do the good cop, bad cop routine? You can interrogate the witness, and I'll just growl. Grrrrr.... Agent J: How about we do the good cop, dumb dog routine, and you just shut up. Agent J: Yeah, every Saturday night you'd be like, 'Flush me J. Flush me.' and I'd be like, 'Naw'. Agent J: I need a containment crew at the subway station at 81st Street, revoke Jeff's movement privileges immediately, and would someone PLEASE check the expiration date on the Unipod worm tranquilizers? [Jay neuralyzes Tee] Agent J: Get married, have a bunch of kids, live happily. Tee: Okay. Agent J: [to a waitress on his way out] My friend over there's kind of shy, but he thinks you are HOT. [Tee smiles at the waitress.] Customs Agent: Purpose of trip? Serleena: Education. I want to learn how to be an underwear model. Scrad: We don't even know what planet it's on! Serleena: He said, "the third planet!" It's on EARTH, you moron! Charlie: [whispers] "Third Rock From the Sun." Scrad: I never got that till now! [To an agent who laughs at him] Frank the Pug: You have children? Agent: No. Frank the Pug: Want 'em? [bares his teeth] [After Jay shows Kevin/Kay that every other employee in the post office is an alien] Kevin Brown/K: The wife and I went to Vegas and saw Sigfried and Roy make a pair of white tigers fly around the room. Your act's nothing special, slick. Jarra: They caught me siphoning ozone from their atmosphere to sell on the black market. These humans are very touchy about this global warming thing. Agent J: Jarra! Hey, been a long time. Jarra: Five years and forty-two days. You count every one when you're locked away like a primate. Worms: K, you're back, they told us you were dead, you look good! [Frank is wearing his very own MIB suit] Frank the Pug: J! Wait up! I appreciate this shot man. Thought I'd never get out of that mailroom. Agent J: Lose the suit! Frank the Pug: Sure thing partner. No problemo. Just going for the look. But if I say so myself, I do find the overall effect very slimming! Agent J: Would somebody PLEASE explain to me why I have a dead Tricranosloth going through Passport Control? MIB Agent: That would be my fault Sir. I'm very sorry Sir. Please don't neuralize me Sir! Agent J: Wha' the hell's that supposed to mean? [J takes Kevin/K into the Deneuralizer room] Agent J: The Deneuralizer. In a few moments, transverse magneto energy will surge through your brain, unlocking information hidden deep and dormant that could hold the key to Earth's very survival. Kevin Brown/K: Okay [Pointing at the deneuralizer] Kevin Brown/K: What's that thing? [On the train] Agent J: Please move to the forward car, we've got a bug in the system. [He is ignored by the passengers] Agent J: YO! WE GOT A BUG IN THE ELECTRICAL SYSTEM! [A huge bug smashes through into the compartment, the passengers flee] Agent J: Oh! Now y'all runnin' Now y'all... No, no, no, no, sit down, sit down, It's only a 600 foot worm! [At passport control] MIB Customs Agent: ...Any fruit or vegetables? Serleena: [Motioning towards Scrad] Yeah Two heads of cabbage. [in the midst of alien fight K repeatedly kicks an alien in the crotch but nothing happens] Agent J: K that won't work he's a Balchinian!! [J tangles with Serleena's tenticles] Agent J: I'm gonna lay the smackdown on your candy-ass! Grand Central Station Locker Creatures: K is back! The keeper of the light! All hail K! All hail K! Oh K can you see by the dawn's early light...