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Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Roger Rabbit: Yeah! The probate! My Uncle Thumper had a problem with HIS probate. He had to take these big pills, and drink lots of water!
Eddie: Not prostate, you idiot! PROBATE!

Eddie: Anybody know you're here?
Roger Rabbit: Nobody. Not a soul, except, uh...
Eddie: Who?
Roger Rabbit: Well, you see, I didn't know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn't know. So I asked the fireman, green grocerier, the butcher the baker, they didn't know. But the liquor store guy. He knew.

Jessica Rabbit: You don't know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.
Eddie Valiant: You don't know how hard it is being a man looking at a woman looking the way you do.

Roger Rabbit: My only purpose in life is to make people laugh!

Roger Rabbit: We toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid.

Eddie Valiant: Here's to the pencil pushers. May they all get lead poisoning.

Eddie: You mean you could've taken your hand out of that cuff at any time?
Roger Rabbit: Not at any time, Eddie, only when it was funny.

Dolores: I would have been here right after you called, but I had to shake the weasels.

Jessica Rabbit: I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.

Jessica Rabbit: I love you more than any woman's ever loved a rabbit.

Dolores: Is he always this funny, or only on days when he's wanted for murder?

Judge Doom: Can you guess what this is?
Jessica Rabbit: Oh my God, it's DIP!
Judge Doom: That's right, my dear. Enough to dip Toon Town off the face of the earth! Vehicle of my own design; 5,000 gallons of heated dip, pumped at enormous velocity through a pressurized water cannon. Toon Town will be erased in a matter of minutes.

Judge Doom: A construction plan of epic proportions. We're calling it a freeway.
Eddie Valiant: Freeway? What the hell's a freeway?
Judge Doom: Eight lanes of shimmering cement running from here to Pasadena. Smooth, safe, fast! Traffic jams will be a thing of the past.

Judge Doom: You lack vision, but I see a place where people get on and off the freeway. On and off, off and on all day, all night! Soon, where Toon Town once stood will be a string of gas stations, inexpensive motels, restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food. Tire salons, automobile dealerships and wonderful, wonderful billboards reaching as far as the eye can see! My God, it'll be beautiful!

Eddie Valiant: I'm sick of taking falls, I'm bouncing off the walls, when I get done I'll have some fun I'll kick you in the...
Roger Rabbit: Nose!

[Eddie is hiding Roger in his pants]
Dolores: Is that a rabbit in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

Eddie Valiant: A ladies' man, eh?
Baby Herman: The problem is, I've got a fifty year old lust but a three year old dinky.

Angelo: So who's your client, Mr. Detective-to-the-Stars? Chilly Willy? Or Screwy Squirrel?
Dolores: What'll it be?
Angelo: I'll have a beer, doll. So what happened, huh? Somebody kidnapped Dinky Doodle?
Dolores: Cut it out, Angelo.
Angelo: No, wait a minute, wait a minute, I've got it. You're working for Little Bo Peep. She's lost her sheep, and you're gonna help her find them, huh?
[Angelo laughs. Eddie kicks Angelo's seat out from under him and grabs him by the neck.]
Eddie Valiant: Get this straight, meatball. I... don't... work... for toons!

Raoul J. Raoul: Cut! Cut, cut, cut, cut, *cut*!
Baby Herman: What the hell was wrong with *that* take?!
Raoul J. Raoul: Nothing with you, Baby Herman. You were great, you were perfect, you were *better* than perfect. It's Roger, he keeps BLOWING HIS LINES! Roger, what is this?
Roger Rabbit: A tweeting bird.
Raoul J. Raoul: "A tweeting bird." Roger, read this script. Look what it says. It says, "Rabbit gets klunked, rabbit sees *stars*." Not birds, STARS!

Angelo: I seen a rabbit...
Judge Doom: Where?
Angelo: He's right here in the bar...
[Puts his arm around an imaginary figure]
Angelo: Say hello... Harvey...

Judge Doom: [voice getting higher] Remember me, Eddie? When I killed your brother, I talked just like THIS!

R.K. Maroon: How much do you know about show business, Mr. Valiant?
Eddie Valiant: Only that there is no business like it, no business I know.
R.K. Maroon: Yeah. And there's no business more expensive.

Judge Doom: You wouldn't have any idea where the rabbit might be, Mr. Valiant?
Eddie Valiant: Have you tried Walla Walla? Cucamonga? I hear Kokomo's very nice this time of the year.
Judge Doom: I'm surprised you're not more cooperative, Mr. Valiant. A human has been murdered by a toon. Don't you appreciate the magnitude of that?

Eddie Valiant: What's that?
Lt. Santino: Remember how they always thought there wasn't a way to kill a toon? Well, Doom found a way. Turpentine, acetone, benzene. He calls it "The Dip."
Judge Doom: I'll catch the rabbit, Mr. Valiant. And I'll try him, convict him, and execute him.
[dips shoe in poison, and cremation smoke starts sizzling out]
Eddie Valiant: Geez!
Weasel: [laughs] That's one dead shoe, eh, boss?
Judge Doom: They're not kid gloves, Mr. Valiant. This is how we handle things down in Toontown.

Jessica Rabbit: Where's Roger?
Eddie Valiant: I don't know. He bailed on me back at the studio.
Jessica Rabbit: No he didn't. I ambushed him, hit him in the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk ... so he wouldn't get hurt.
Eddie Valiant: Makes perfect sense.

Eddie Valiant: Only a toon could cook up that lame brain freeway idea.

Baby Herman: The whole thing stinks like yesterday's diapers!

Baby Herman: For crying out loud, Roger! How the hell many times do we have to do this damn scene?!

Judge Doom: [to the weasels] One of these days you're going to laugh yourselves to death.

Lt. Santino: Gee whiz, Eddie, if you really needed money so bad, then why didn't you come to me?
Eddie: Well, I took a couple of dirty pictures, so kill me.
Lt. Santino: I already got a stiff on my hands, thank you.

Lt. Santino: Just like a toon to drop a safe on a guy's head!




	Home Jokes Film Quotes Boss Alert News Forum Links		Back to - Film Quotes - W Who Framed Roger Rabbit Roger Rabbit: Yeah! The probate! My Uncle Thumper had a problem with HIS probate. He had to take these big pills, and drink lots of water! Eddie: Not prostate, you idiot! PROBATE! Eddie: Anybody know you're here? Roger Rabbit: Nobody. Not a soul, except, uh... Eddie: Who? Roger Rabbit: Well, you see, I didn't know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn't know. So I asked the fireman, green grocerier, the butcher the baker, they didn't know. But the liquor store guy. He knew. Jessica Rabbit: You don't know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do. Eddie Valiant: You don't know how hard it is being a man looking at a woman looking the way you do. Roger Rabbit: My only purpose in life is to make people laugh! Roger Rabbit: We toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid. Eddie Valiant: Here's to the pencil pushers. May they all get lead poisoning. Eddie: You mean you could've taken your hand out of that cuff at any time? Roger Rabbit: Not at any time, Eddie, only when it was funny. Dolores: I would have been here right after you called, but I had to shake the weasels. Jessica Rabbit: I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way. Jessica Rabbit: I love you more than any woman's ever loved a rabbit. Dolores: Is he always this funny, or only on days when he's wanted for murder? Judge Doom: Can you guess what this is? Jessica Rabbit: Oh my God, it's DIP! Judge Doom: That's right, my dear. Enough to dip Toon Town off the face of the earth! Vehicle of my own design; 5,000 gallons of heated dip, pumped at enormous velocity through a pressurized water cannon. Toon Town will be erased in a matter of minutes. Judge Doom: A construction plan of epic proportions. We're calling it a freeway. Eddie Valiant: Freeway? What the hell's a freeway? Judge Doom: Eight lanes of shimmering cement running from here to Pasadena. Smooth, safe, fast! Traffic jams will be a thing of the past. Judge Doom: You lack vision, but I see a place where people get on and off the freeway. On and off, off and on all day, all night! Soon, where Toon Town once stood will be a string of gas stations, inexpensive motels, restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food. Tire salons, automobile dealerships and wonderful, wonderful billboards reaching as far as the eye can see! My God, it'll be beautiful! Eddie Valiant: I'm sick of taking falls, I'm bouncing off the walls, when I get done I'll have some fun I'll kick you in the... Roger Rabbit: Nose! [Eddie is hiding Roger in his pants] Dolores: Is that a rabbit in your pants or are you just happy to see me? Eddie Valiant: A ladies' man, eh? Baby Herman: The problem is, I've got a fifty year old lust but a three year old dinky. Angelo: So who's your client, Mr. Detective-to-the-Stars? Chilly Willy? Or Screwy Squirrel? Dolores: What'll it be? Angelo: I'll have a beer, doll. So what happened, huh? Somebody kidnapped Dinky Doodle? Dolores: Cut it out, Angelo. Angelo: No, wait a minute, wait a minute, I've got it. You're working for Little Bo Peep. She's lost her sheep, and you're gonna help her find them, huh? [Angelo laughs. Eddie kicks Angelo's seat out from under him and grabs him by the neck.] Eddie Valiant: Get this straight, meatball. I... don't... work... for toons! Raoul J. Raoul: Cut! Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut! Baby Herman: What the hell was wrong with that take?! Raoul J. Raoul: Nothing with you, Baby Herman. You were great, you were perfect, you were better than perfect. It's Roger, he keeps BLOWING HIS LINES! Roger, what is this? Roger Rabbit: A tweeting bird. Raoul J. Raoul: "A tweeting bird." Roger, read this script. Look what it says. It says, "Rabbit gets klunked, rabbit sees stars." Not birds, STARS! Angelo: I seen a rabbit... Judge Doom: Where? Angelo: He's right here in the bar... [Puts his arm around an imaginary figure] Angelo: Say hello... Harvey... Judge Doom: [voice getting higher] Remember me, Eddie? When I killed your brother, I talked just like THIS! R.K. Maroon: How much do you know about show business, Mr. Valiant? Eddie Valiant: Only that there is no business like it, no business I know. R.K. Maroon: Yeah. And there's no business more expensive. Judge Doom: You wouldn't have any idea where the rabbit might be, Mr. Valiant? Eddie Valiant: Have you tried Walla Walla? Cucamonga? I hear Kokomo's very nice this time of the year. Judge Doom: I'm surprised you're not more cooperative, Mr. Valiant. A human has been murdered by a toon. Don't you appreciate the magnitude of that? Eddie Valiant: What's that? Lt. Santino: Remember how they always thought there wasn't a way to kill a toon? Well, Doom found a way. Turpentine, acetone, benzene. He calls it "The Dip." Judge Doom: I'll catch the rabbit, Mr. Valiant. And I'll try him, convict him, and execute him. [dips shoe in poison, and cremation smoke starts sizzling out] Eddie Valiant: Geez! Weasel: [laughs] That's one dead shoe, eh, boss? Judge Doom: They're not kid gloves, Mr. Valiant. This is how we handle things down in Toontown. Jessica Rabbit: Where's Roger? Eddie Valiant: I don't know. He bailed on me back at the studio. Jessica Rabbit: No he didn't. I ambushed him, hit him in the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk ... so he wouldn't get hurt. Eddie Valiant: Makes perfect sense. Eddie Valiant: Only a toon could cook up that lame brain freeway idea. Baby Herman: The whole thing stinks like yesterday's diapers! Baby Herman: For crying out loud, Roger! How the hell many times do we have to do this damn scene?! Judge Doom: [to the weasels] One of these days you're going to laugh yourselves to death. Lt. Santino: Gee whiz, Eddie, if you really needed money so bad, then why didn't you come to me? Eddie: Well, I took a couple of dirty pictures, so kill me. Lt. Santino: I already got a stiff on my hands, thank you. Lt. Santino: Just like a toon to drop a safe on a guy's head!