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Zoolander

Mugatu: They're break-dance fighting.

Derek Zoolander: I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

Larry Zoolander: Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film and television actor.

Derek Zoolander: Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

Derek Zoolander: Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?

Billy Zane: It's a walk-off!

Maury Ballstein: I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.

Matilda: When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class.
Derek Zoolander: Ew!

Derek Zoolander: Well, I guess it started during my first year of the second grade, when I was eating lunch and caught my reflection in a spoon, and I thought to myself, 'Hey, Derek, you're ridiculously good looking! And I thought maybe I could do that for a career.
Matilda: Do what for a career?
Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking.

Hansel: The files are *in* the computer?

Mugatu: I feel like I've been taking crazy pills!

Matilda: I became...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?

Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda: Honestly?
Hansel: Yes.
Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?

Hansel: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine.
Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

[After he pokes a girl with a pin]
Mugatu: Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building now!

[After spitting out and spilling some bad coffee all over his assistant]
Mugatu: Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte!?

Protestor: Mugatu! Screw you and your little dog too!

[After throwing Matilda into the street from Mugatu's spa]
Katinka: I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit...stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander!

Katinka: I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense, not one little bit.

Hansel: Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?

Hansel: Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude!

Derek Zoolander: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman".

VH1 Reporter: Derek, are you worried about Hansel?
Derek Zoolander: Uhh, not as much as I'm worried about Gretel.

Larry Zoolander: I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid.
Derek Zoolander: Mer-man! *cough* Mer-man!

[Unveiling a building model]
Mugatu: I give you, "The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good."
[Derek looks at the model for a moment, then throws it on the floor]
Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants?! How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?

Matilda: I've been trying to reach you for a week.
Derek Zoolander: A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.
Matilda: That was last Friday.
Derek Zoolander: Uhh Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?

Derek Zoolander: Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investi-gatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investi-gatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?

Hansel: The results are in amigo. What's left to ponder?
[Derek glares at him]
Hansel: Nice Comeback! Ha ha.

[after being in a coal mine for a day]
Derek Zoolander: [high-pitched cough] ...I think I'm getting the Black Lung, Pop. It's not very well ventilated down there.
Larry Zoolander: For Christ's sake, Derek, you've been down there one day. Talk to me in thirty years.

Derek Zoolander: Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.
Derek Zoolander: If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.

Mugatu: Hansel...so hot right now..Hansel.

Hansel: Well then you can just dere-lick... my balls.




	Home Jokes Film Quotes Boss Alert News Forum Links		Back to - Film Quotes - Z Zoolander Mugatu: They're break-dance fighting. Derek Zoolander: I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is. Larry Zoolander: Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film and television actor. Derek Zoolander: Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty. Derek Zoolander: Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking? Billy Zane: It's a walk-off! Maury Ballstein: I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories. Matilda: When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class. Derek Zoolander: Ew! Derek Zoolander: Well, I guess it started during my first year of the second grade, when I was eating lunch and caught my reflection in a spoon, and I thought to myself, 'Hey, Derek, you're ridiculously good looking! And I thought maybe I could do that for a career. Matilda: Do what for a career? Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking. Hansel: The files are in the computer? Mugatu: I feel like I've been taking crazy pills! Matilda: I became... Hansel: What? Matilda: Bulimic. Derek Zoolander: You can read minds? Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda? Matilda: Honestly? Hansel: Yes. Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered. Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models? Hansel: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot. [After he pokes a girl with a pin] Mugatu: Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building now! [After spitting out and spilling some bad coffee all over his assistant] Mugatu: Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte!? Protestor: Mugatu! Screw you and your little dog too! [After throwing Matilda into the street from Mugatu's spa] Katinka: I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit...stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander! Katinka: I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense, not one little bit. Hansel: Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco? Hansel: Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude! Derek Zoolander: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman". VH1 Reporter: Derek, are you worried about Hansel? Derek Zoolander: Uhh, not as much as I'm worried about Gretel. Larry Zoolander: I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid. Derek Zoolander: Mer-man! cough Mer-man! [Unveiling a building model] Mugatu: I give you, "The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good." [Derek looks at the model for a moment, then throws it on the floor] Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants?! How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building? Matilda: I've been trying to reach you for a week. Derek Zoolander: A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum. Matilda: That was last Friday. Derek Zoolander: Uhh Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay? Derek Zoolander: Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investi-gatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investi-gatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way? Hansel: The results are in amigo. What's left to ponder? [Derek glares at him] Hansel: Nice Comeback! Ha ha. [after being in a coal mine for a day] Derek Zoolander: [high-pitched cough] ...I think I'm getting the Black Lung, Pop. It's not very well ventilated down there. Larry Zoolander: For Christ's sake, Derek, you've been down there one day. Talk to me in thirty years. Derek Zoolander: Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think. Derek Zoolander: If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident. Mugatu: Hansel...so hot right now..Hansel. Hansel: Well then you can just dere-lick... my balls.