Definition of programmer

Programmer:

A person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after
innumberable poundings, an infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with
micrometric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures from inconclusive
documents and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious
reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding
a hopelessly defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the information
in the first place.