Speech Impediment

There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment.
One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store.
He went up to the shop assistant and asked "Could I have a fucket
please?"
The assistant asked"Pardon sir?".
"Can I have a fucket please?" Replied the man.
"Oh you mean a bucket!" The shop assistant replied.
The old man said "Yes, that's what I said". So the man paid for his
bucket and went into the antique shop.

In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked -
"Can I have a cock please?"
The cashier looked very puzzled and asked "Pardon?".
The man again asked "Can I have a cock please?"
The cashier replied "Oh you mean a clock! - yes certainly sir."
So he paid for the clock and walked out of the shop.

The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant and
asked "Can I have a bum please?"
The assistant said "Sorry sir what did you say?".
So he repeated himself "Can I have a bum please?".
The assistant said " Oh right, you mean a bun!".
The old man said "Yes that's what I said in the first place."
So the man bought a bun and walked out of the shop.

As he was walking down the street a little old lady came up to
him and asked "Excuse me sir, but do you know the time?"
The man replied "Yes certainly, hold my bum and fucket while
I get my cock out."